


Everything is shattering and it's all my fault. Only fools fall for you...only fools do what I do

by myheartandsoulbelongtonamjoon



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Friends AU, Friendship, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-03-30 10:05:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 27,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13949274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myheartandsoulbelongtonamjoon/pseuds/myheartandsoulbelongtonamjoon
Summary: Time heals all wounds or so Jimin's been told. But, what happens if you run out of time? What do you do if your soulmate falls for someone else and you're left on the sidelines, forced to smother your tears and watch the man you love be happy without you?Ross and Rachel found their way back to each other...Will Namjoon and Jimin be able to do the same?





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> I finally tried my hand at a FRIENDS au! I've loved this show since I was a child and Namjoon used it to learn English so really I had to do this.
> 
> There are two parts and it's a monster of a fic, so I'm still working on it. Darlings, the angst is heavy with this one, but do not despair. I promise there is a happy ending.
> 
> *Title taken from Troy Sivan’s “Fools”

 

** 2018 **

  
  


Jimin stared at the glossy invitation in his hands. Maybe if he focused really hard and tried not to blink the elegantly scripted words would change and his world would stop falling apart. Unfortunately, his method was proving fruitless and he had already spent twenty minutes sitting at the kitchen table in his dimly lit apartment. He would have stayed there all evening if his roomate, Hoseok, hadn’t come home from work, mumbling under his breath about how idiotic his coworkers were. 

 

“Why is it so dark in here?” he asked aloud.

 

When he received no answer the dance instructor flicked on the main lights, sharp gaze immediately finding his younger friend’s hunched over form. He was going to ask if everything was okay when he saw the pile of unopened mail on the kitchen counter where they would usually place it and later separate it. On the top of Hoseok’s pile was one envelope that was undeniably the cause of Jimin’s turmoil. 

 

“Oh, Jiminie,” Hoseok sighed, dropping his coat and duffle bag by the door and rushing to embrace the short blonde man.

 

“I keep thinking to myself...maybe this is all a dream. Maybe I fell asleep in my Writing and Rhetoric class again and Professor Nielsen is just about to whack me over the head with a manila folder to wake me up. And it’ll suck being embarrassed in front of my peers and nearly failing the class overall, but at the end of the day it won’t matter because I have  _ him  _ by my side. Because he'll still love me."

 

Hoseok let his eyes fall shut, tightening his arms around Jimin. The memory Jimin was describing had taken place several years earlier, a simpler, more serene time for all of them. 

 

Hoseok met Jimin in college. They were on the same dance team, Hoseok the designated captain, Jimin his eager mentee. They were only one year apart, but age differences and honorifics weren’t a big deal in America and anything went in New York, city of dreams and renown concrete jungle. Hoseok had never met his biological parents in Korea, but he was adopted before the age of 2 by a wonderful family in California. He moved to the East Coast for college, where he met the friends he knew he’d keep in his life for the rest of his days. 

 

He met Jimin first and where Jimin was his boyfriend Namjoon followed. Namjoon’s older brother, Jin, attended culinary school in Manhattan and his boyfriend, Yoongi, went to Julliard. Yoongi was mentoring a first-year student named Jungkook, who aspired to be an actor and a musician, but his affection had grown for the boy, considering him to be a younger brother. The final member of their group, Taehyung, was actually Namjoon and Jin’s little cousin, who had moved to the States in middle school, sent by his parents in the hopes that he could find his place in the world away from the oppressive school system of their home country. Taehyung had always been an eccentric child, a quality that wasn’t well-received by his peers and his teachers. Namjoon and Jin’s parents had moved to New York before their children were born and had become U.S. citizens. They were more than happy to take in their unique nephew and raise him alongside their sons. He went to the same school as his cousins and thrived in an environment that allowed him to be more creative and more like himself. He ended up at NYU along with Namjoon, Jimin and Hoseok. 

  
  


Namjoon and Jimin’s story was as beautiful as it was tragic. He had heard its beginnings told by Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung and Jin, the latter two bearing witness to most of it because they had all grown up together. Jimin’s family had also immigrated to the U.S. before he and his younger brother were born and the Parks were next-door neighbors to the Kim family. As Namjoon told it, he was 6 years old when he fell in love with Jimin.

 

‘Ew, you were lusting after a 5-year old? That’s creepy,’ Jungkook had remarked when he first heard the story.

 

‘I was 6, dumbass, it wasn’t like I was a 20-something year-old developing feelings for a kindergartner. And I was not  _ lusting  _ after him. We were best friends, practically from birth, and our parents spent every hour together. When we were kids I loved Jimin because he was my best friend and as we got older I began to love him in the romantic sense. It wasn’t creepy, it was totally normal!’ Namjoon had protested to which Jin offered an eyeroll.

 

‘I had to walk you two to class before I could go to my own and let me tell you how annoying it was for me to deal with a lovesick Joonie, who even as a first-grader was cheesy as hell and completely whipped for Jimin. I agree that it wasn’t creepy--

 

‘Thank you, Seokjin,’ Namjoon smiled self-assuredly.

 

‘ _ But _ I do think it was pathetic,” Jin added, making the others burst into laughter and Namjoon glare at him.

 

‘Traitor,’ he hissed.

 

Jimin had giggled and kissed his boyfriend placatingly.

 

‘If it helps, I knew I loved you then too. You were the person I could always turn to for anything and you beat up those bullies who stole my blocks that first day, do you remember?’

 

‘Oh yeah, that little gang of asshole kindergartners ganged up on you because you were the tiniest. Jin had gone to his class and I was already in mine, but I remembered I still had your lucky eraser in my jacket pocket so I ran back to your classroom. You were bawling your eyes out.’

 

‘They stole my blocks and called me an ugly stupid-head. I was sensitive as a child!’

 

‘Damn, kindergarten is more ruthless than I remember,’ Hoseok had whistled.

 

‘Yeah, but I wasn’t letting Jimin’s first day of school get ruined just like that.’

 

‘Did you get his blocks back?’ Jungkook asked the older blonde.

 

‘Yep. After I showed those kids what happened when they messed with my best friend,’ Namjoon puffed up his chest proudly.

 

‘Don’t leave us in suspense!’ Hoseok teased.

 

‘Joonie hit the biggest one in the face with a Transformer and he had this huge red mark on his face for the rest of the day. That boy fell to the ground and started crying like his puppy had been run over by a truck. His friends were so scared they practically fell to their knees to beg for my forgiveness,’ Jimin smirked.

 

‘He was the God of Destruction even then,’ Jin spoke fondly.

 

‘My hero,’ Jimin had said, staring up at his boyfriend with stars in his eyes.

 

Hoseok learned that day that Namjoon had been the one to confess first, stuttering his way through the words midway through Jimin’s junior year of high school. Jimin had kept his cool, not helping his older friend at all and letting him get the sentences out before shooting him a bright smile and asking him what took him so freaking long. Their happiness lasted 7 blissful years. Hoseok had unfortunately been there to witness their break-up. It had put a strain on all of them. Jimin and Namjoon were practically one person, almost as if they shared one soul. They had the same hometown, the same friends, the same likes and dislikes. No one could have foreseen their end.

* * *

 

 

“Are you planning to attend?” Hoseok asked.

 

He had prepared two mugs of hot chocolate, making sure there was an abundance of mini marshmallows floating on the surface. Jimin liked his beverages sweet. 

 

Jimin sipped at his hot chocolate, lifeless brown eyes still studying the Baroque font in front of him.

 

“I don’t know, Hobi, what do you think? Should I go alone or put an ad on Craigslist? I know exactly what I’d say:  **Wanted: Plus One for the Wedding of the Century. Be prepared to hold my tissue boxes and at the close of the service, please dump my body in the ocean and weigh me down with a brick so I can drown in peace.** ”

 

Hoseok winced at the unnatural combination of numbness and acerbity in Jimin’s soft voice. Jimin was known for his sweet temperament and cheerfulness, as well as the joy he carried in his melodious voice. Everyone adored him, including his incredibly strict boss and the snooty customers at Bloomingdale’s, where Jimin worked. The man in front of Hoseok right now did not seem like Jimin. Not in the slightest.

 

“Jiminie...I don’t know what to say. There isn’t a way for me to express how sorry I feel that this is happening. Never in a million years could I have imagined not seeing your name on this invitation.”

 

Jimin bit his lip, keeping the sob that had threatened to escape at bay.

 

“It’s getting late. I should head to bed. My boss asked me to come in early tomorrow to help him with some inventory stuff.”

 

“Jimin--

 

“Good night, Hobi,” he said shortly, not speaking again as he retreated to his bedroom.

 

Hoseok watched the door shut and let out a deep exhale. He glanced down at the little square of paper Jimin had left behind. It seemed so innocuous laying there, as if it had no idea of the damage it had caused.

  
  


**_Together With Their Families_ **

 

**_Jackson Wang_ **

**_&_ **

**_Namjoon Kim_ **

 

**_Request the Honor of Your Presence At Their Wedding…_ **

  
  


 

* * *

 

Across the hall, in an apartment that was nearly identical to Jimin and Hoseok’s--except for the messy disorder and general chaos that abounded the space--Jungkook and Taehyung were engaged in their own staring contest with the wedding invitation.

 

“We shouldn’t go,” Jungkook said.

 

Taehyung glowered at him, smacking him upside the head.

 

“You’re an idiot. I can’t miss Namjoon’s wedding. He’s family, the older brother I always wished for, and one of the people I love most on this planet. He’s been there for me through thick and thin and I have to do the same.”

 

“But, Jimin is one of our best friends.”

 

“Are you saying Namjoon isn’t? Are you willing to risk your friendship with him by not attending?”

 

Jungkook hesitated, opening and closing his mouth several times before letting out a loud groan and launching himself backwards on their couch.

 

“I don’t know what to do. Each choice feels like I’m betraying someone I care about.”

 

“I know,” Taehyung ran a hand over his face. “I can’t even imagine how Jimin is feeling right now. I’d go over and check on him, but I don’t think it would be the best idea.”

 

“Because you’re on the enemy’s side?”

 

“Don’t make me hit you again, Jungkook,” Taehyung threatened. “There is no enemy here and there are no sides either. There are just two people who are important to us and who we wish could find happiness with each other again because seeing them apart breaks our hearts.”

 

“Do you think he’s making a mistake?”

 

“Jackson’s a nice guy. Comes from a good family, seems to truly care about my cousin. I would say he loves him and would be a good husband to him.”

 

“But?”

 

“How did you know there was a but?”

 

“Because there always is.”

 

Taehyung hummed in agreement.

 

“But... Jackson isn’t Namjoon’s soulmate. He isn’t the one who loves him so profoundly he’d cut off his own arm if someone asked him to do it for Namjoon. Jackson doesn’t know Namjoon better than he knows himself, doesn’t know how to pull him out of his own head and prevent him from succumbing to panic attacks. Jackson doesn’t have the promise ring that was passed down in our family and that dates back to our great-grandparents, who gave it to our grandfather and then my cousins’ father and then Namjoon because even though Jin was the eldest my uncle looked at him and Jimin and he knew--the way we all thought we knew--that they were  _ it _ . They were supposed to be forever.”

 

“Basically, you’re saying Jackson is great, but he’s not Jimin.”

 

“Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

* * *

 

 

Yoongi had never believed in soulmates. He bumped into Jin outside his favorite coffee shop and by that he meant he  _ literally  _ bumped into him. Yoongi had been listening to his music at full volume, balancing a coffee cup, a small bag of chocolate croissants, his book bag, and the study guide he’d made himself for his exam the following day. He hadn’t been paying any attention to what was in front of him. Jin had a habit of staring up at the sky to admire the clouds as he walked. It was safe to say they collided, spilling coffee and croissants everywhere. Yoongi’s study guide was ruined and he almost broke his MP3 player. Jin cracked a tooth on Yoongi’s thick head and yet neither minded. 

 

Jin claimed it was love at first sight, but Yoongi never said the same. He didn’t believe in that sort of thing or predestined relationships, which were what soulmates implied. He loved Jin with everything he had and he hoped he could spend the rest of his life with the man, but he didn’t think fate had led them to each other or that their initial meeting cemented his feelings for Jin. Instead, Yoongi believed in the strength of human bonds and the way they were formed with steady effort and passion. He put all of himself into his relationship, knowing there were days where he was a shitty boyfriend and he let down the man he loved. Yoongi didn’t think they were together by sheer luck. They worked hard for their happiness and if ever Yoongi failed to do his part, he knew Jin would leave him and the music production student wouldn’t judge him for it. People didn’t stay together if the love wasn’t real and the only way it would continue to flourish was if both people contributed in their own way.

 

When Yoongi learned about Jimin and Namjoon he wondered if he’d been too quick to judge the idea of a soulmate. He was shocked by the purity of the other couple’s love and the adoration evident in the youngers’ eyes not only when they were in the same room, but also when they were miles apart and their counterpart was mentioned in passing. Jimin sighed at Namjoon’s name and Namjoon’s dimples threatened to explode from the width of his smile if he heard something about Jimin. 

 

Yoongi now considered Namjoon his best friend (a fact Jin resented since  _ he  _ wanted to claim that title though Yoongi was always quick to remind him that Jin always went to Hoseok first if something was bothering him) and hearing their story had warmed his heart. He’d started to believe that love could be as easy as going next-door and spending your childhood with a best friend who became your life partner in the blink of an eye. Namjoon told him often that he didn’t need to travel the world or explore his options. He had known from the start that the love of his life was Jimin. 

 

‘No one else will do,’ his taller friend had said, laughing freely, reveling in the certainty of his love.

 

When everything ended, especially in the first month when Namjoon and Jimin couldn’t be in the same room, Yoongi had contemplated saying ‘I told you so.’ He never did, though. Jin asked him about it once.

 

‘I would have bet all the money I own--I mean even the money that’s trapped in my student loans--that Namjoon and Jimin would get married and grow old together. They’re soulmates. I mean, I thought they were anyway. I know you have different views on the subject and now you must feel even more sure, right?’

 

Yoongi had taken a few seconds to formulate his answer. 

 

‘I don’t bet on love, but if I were the betting type, I, like you, would have lost it all. If you’re expecting gloating on my part, I promise it’s not coming.’

 

Jin had given him a chaste kiss, leaving their foreheads pressed together.

 

‘I don’t know how to process this, to be honest. If this could happen to them, then…’

 

‘Don’t think like that, Jinnie. We aren’t Namjoon and Jimin. They made some mistakes. Even they bet on themselves too carelessly.’

 

‘We all lost, Yoongs.’

 

‘I know we did, Jinnie, I know we did.’

* * *

 

** 2010 **

 

Namjoon stared at his reflection in the grimy mirror of the second floor boys’ bathroom. He groaned at the unruly mess his jet-black hair had fallen into. Of course, he didn’t have a comb and of course the jerks in his gym class got super physical during the basketball game, leaving Namjoon overly sweaty and especially unkempt. He didn’t even get to take a shower at the end because his physics teacher had asked him to come early to class to discuss the recommendation letter Namjoon had asked her to write for him. It was senior year and Namjoon knew he had to get serious about college applications. He was seeking early admission into NYU, which meant the deadline was less than a month away.

 

Namjoon didn’t want to leave New York, partially because he loved his home state, partially because that would entail being separated from Jimin. Namjoon couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t in love with his best friend, which may have seemed romantic, but was frankly a shitty situation. He couldn’t be more friendzoned and he’d spent several weekends crying into his pillows as Jimin went on dates with other guys. Jin had told him he couldn’t live his life with uncertainties and piling up regrets.

 

‘Do you really want to graduate without knowing how Jimin feels about you?’

 

‘I know how he feels about me. He sees me as just a friend.’

 

‘What makes you so sure of that?’

 

‘We’ve known each other our whole lives and he’s never said anything to me!’

 

‘Have you said anything to him?’

 

Namjoon sputtered senseless responses, but Jin just raised an eyebrow. 

 

‘Listen, baby brother, I told you how Yoongi and I started dating and it was not easy getting that commitment phobe to get his shit together and admit his feelings for me. I took the first step and he met me on the next one. That’s how these things work. I mean that cliche phrase “No pain, no gain” is absolutely true.’

 

‘Jin,’ Namjoon sighed. ‘What do I do if he rejects me?’

 

Jin rubbed his brother’s shoulder and gave him a small smile.

 

‘You do your best to move on. It wouldn’t be easy, but it wouldn’t be impossible. Time heals all wounds.’

 

‘How many overused sayings are you going to use on me?’

 

‘As many as it takes to convince you to man up and confess to Jimin. If you let the possibility of rejection stop, you may miss out on something wonderful.’

 

Namjoon had reflected on his brother’s advice for the rest of the evening and when Jimin had texted him to ask if he wanted to come over for a pizza and studying session, Namjoon had made up an excuse about feeling under the weather. It nearly backfired on him since Jimin immediately called him, worry evident in his voice, as he asked him what his symptoms were. Namjoon was proud his genius IQ had kicked in and allowed him to lie satisfactorily. If he was going to confess to Jimin he needed time to plan it out in order to prevent him from blurting it out at an inappropriate time like in front of all their nosy friends or worse their judgmental schoolmates. 

 

He also wanted it to be clear and not half-formed, which he was sure was what would come out if he saw Jimin that same night. His convoluted thoughts would make him say something idiotic like “I don’t think magical creatures exist, but you make me question everything because you’re clearly a beautiful fairy and I love you.” He didn’t want to scare Jimin with the intensity of his emotions and would prefer to ease him into it with something like “As of late I have found myself developing stronger emotions for you.” 

 

The issue was it was now the next day--a day he had spent narrowly avoiding Jimin because he kept losing his nerve and feeling the need to run away--and his “plan” was nonexistent. He was feeling like an idiot and a coward and considering the idea of faking an illness for the rest of the week. Not that that would fix the situation. The person he was trying to hide from literally lived next door and had a spare key to his house. Nothing stopped a determined Jimin anyway and he was obviously getting suspicious. Earlier during their lunch period, Namjoon had flung himself into a janitor’s closet when he heard Jimin’s mellifluous voice coming down the hallway, followed by Taehyung’s deeper tone and raucous laughter. He thought he’d succeeded, but as the pair passed by Namjoon heard Jimin mumble something about “long-limbed dumbasses who were pissing him off and would get what was coming to them soon.” 

 

(Yes, Jimin saw him.)

 

It was now the last period of the day and Namjoon had begged his Italian teacher to let him go to the nurse’s office because he was supposedly dealing with a crippling migraine. Being the model student that he was, he had been allowed to go no questions asked. He was so torn up about his “will I won’t I confess” that he didn’t even feel guilty about lying to his teacher and skipping class for the first time. He washed his hands and ran cold water over his face, turning to grab several paper towels to dry off. He heard the bathroom door swing up and when he looked up he almost screamed at the eyes that met his in the reflection of the mirror.

 

“Well, look who it is. The Lying Liar Who Lied.”

 

“Jiminie,” Namjoon gave a nervous chuckle. “What, uh, what are you doing here?”

 

“I had a free period and I considered going home early, but I knew I couldn’t do that without tracking you down and forcing you to stop being an idiot and tell me what’s happening to you. You aren’t sick. I asked Taehyung and he said you were totally fine.”

 

Namjoon would have to have a chat with Taehyung about family loyalty.

 

“And I saw you skittering away from me when I came within ten feet of you. Did you think I was stupid enough that you could get away with avoiding me?”

 

“Um...I was just--just--

 

“I went to your class with the pretense of getting you for the guidance counselor but Mr. Convertini said you’d gone to the nurse because you were sick. I didn’t believe that excuse anymore since you’re a big fat  _ liar,  _ but I checked the nurse’s office and oh, surprise, you weren’t there. Luckily, a friend of mine said he saw you run into this bathroom a while ago and here I am.”

 

Namjoon had flinched at Jimin’s pointed enunciation of the word “liar” only growing more and more anxious as Jimin came closer, pressing him up against the sink and glowering up at him.

 

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on? Why are you hiding from me and why are you lying to me? In almost two decades of friendship you’ve never done either of those things before. Are you angry with me? Did I do something to upset you?”

 

Namjoon saw the pain in his best friend’s chocolate eyes and noticed how his plush lips were beginning to tremble, the tell-tale signs that he was on the verge of crying.

 

“Jiminie, no, I’m so sorry. It’s nothing you did, I swear!” he rushed to comfort him, hugging the shorter boy and stroking his silky black hair. 

 

“Then, what is it? Joon, please don’t lie to me again,” Jimin pushed out of his grip so he could meet his eyes again.

 

Namjoon took a deep breath before deciding that his older brother had been right and he couldn’t keep the truth from Jimin anymore.

 

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or make you think it was something you did wrong. You--you’re my best friend in the entire world and I don’t know where I’d be without you. I, well, it’s just that I--Lately, well not lately because it’s been longer than that, but lately I put a name to it... I’ve been feeling something else, something that’s troubled me not because I don’t want to feel that way! No, it’s because I don’t want to mess everything up. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you and I--it’s not easy for me to say this,” Namjoon paused to try and collect himself, knowing he was rambling and probably looking like a moron.

 

Yet, Jimin was gazing at him with fondness glittering behind his misty eyes. He didn’t speak, simply tilted his head softly, as if encouraging him to continue. Namjoon took another breath.

 

“Okay, I think I need to just say it. Here goes...Jimin, I want to be more than your best friend because the way that I feel about you...it goes way beyond friendship. I don’t know how you feel and, of course, if you don’t feel the same, I understand. I didn’t want to lie to you or to myself anymore so I had to tell you. Please don’t feel pressured, though,” Namjoon had closed his eyes as he confessed, unable to see Jimin’s reaction and expecting the immediate rejection.

 

There was a moment of silence and Namjoon was going to open his mouth to babble some nonsense about the value of friendship and not blaming Jimin for hating him now, but hoping he could salvage their bond when he heard a tiny giggle. He opened his eyes and was stunned to see the younger pressing his small hands to his face to muffle his laughter.

 

“Are--are you laughing while you reject me?” Namjoon’s voice signaled his hurt, but Jimin quickly moved forward to intertwine their hands before stepping up on his tiptoes to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

 

Namjoon’s eyes widened.

 

“I’m not rejecting you, you silly genius. I’m laughing because I think fate is a funny thing.”

 

“Wait, so…” Namjoon was still bewildered and Jimin simply grinned at him, pressing closer again but pausing when his lips were mere centimeters away from Namjoon’s.

 

“Joon, what took you so freaking long?”

 

And despite the fact that their first kiss took place in a high school bathroom, Namjoon couldn’t picture a more romantic moment than that one, the day he became his best friend’s boyfriend. The day he considered the happiest moment of his young life.   


* * *

 

** 2018 **

 

It was the fourth time in the span of 2 hours that someone had asked Jimin if he was feeling okay. It was also the fourth time in the span of 2 hours that he had faked a smile and said he was fine, “just a little tired.”

 

When it came time for his lunch break, Jimin fell into his desk chair and put his head in his hands. He was a mess. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hide it from Hoseok, which is why he set his alarm for two hours earlier than usual and slipped out of the apartment before the sun was shining, sitting in a cafe near Bloomingdales and taking tiny sips of his latte until it was cold and he couldn’t force himself to finish it. 

 

The wedding invitation was still on the kitchen table. He had seen it on his way out and had to stop himself from grabbing it and pushing it down the garbage disposal or throwing it out the window. Some other New Yorker could be Mr. Jimin Park if they wanted to. It should be a nice event and they could even bring a “plus one.” What an honor. A plus one to a fancy British wedding, all expenses paid and everything.

 

Namjoon’s fianc ée came from a lot of money. Jackson’s mother was a countess with various estates in the United Kingdom, including a real-life castle on the outskirts of London, where the wedding reception would be held. His father was Chinese, a successful businessman who traveled often and met his wife on one such business trip. The stars aligned and two incredibly affluent people from different parts of the world came together, only increasing their wealth and status. Jackson, as the only child, would inherit everything and he was not only well-educated but well-spoken, well-bred, and very attractive. In short, a perfect man. It was a wonder Jimin hadn’t killed himself already with competition like that. Why would Namjoon ever spare him another glance when Jackson Wang existed?

 

The thing was no one had seen this coming, especially not Jimin. He and Namjoon had discussed their future together and they’d gotten to a 5 year plan. They’d never considered the idea of  _ finis _ . Perhaps they’d been too naive. How many forever couples really existed? Jimin had heard of a lot of high school and college sweethearts whose love burned out and they ended up going their separate ways, though only after growing resentful of each other and blaming themselves for settling down too young. Jimin and Namjoon had loved each other since elementary school, though they didn’t begin to date until high school. Jimin had gone on dates with other guys as a teenager, but never went farther than a couple outings and crappy makeout sessions in the passenger seat of cars the guys borrowed from their parents. Namjoon was his first...everything. He wouldn’t know how to define the word “love” without inserting Namjoon’s name somewhere. How pathetic did that make him? Pining after a soon-to-be married man?

 

Taehyung had texted him that morning, Jungkook only an hour before. He assumed Yoongi and Jin would be sending their shared consolation text soon enough. Hoseok would probably rush home early from work wielding take-out from his favorite Thai place and more than one bottle of Moscato because it was the middle of the week and they couldn’t afford to get blackout drunk. Jimin felt like he was shattering, as if he were made of porcelain and piece by piece, he was being stripped of every substantial piece of himself. However, he continued to be a 25 year old with bills to pay and debts to half-heartedly keep track of, meaning that as much as he wanted to succumb to the haze alcohol could induce, he didn’t have the privilege. 

 

_ Jackson could if he wanted to. That rich prick could drink himself to alcoholism without having to worry about supporting himself. I could end up on the streets of New York, but he can ask Mommy and Daddy to buy him his own island to pull himself together _ , he thought bitterly.

 

He knew it was unfair to hate Jackson, who was overall a nice person, but he couldn’t help it. It was difficult for him to rationalize anything when his chest ached with every breath he took. Unbidden, memories of the past year assaulted him.    


* * *

 

** 2017 **

 

The opportunity to interview at Bloomingdale’s was an honor of epic proportions and Jimin couldn’t believe that he had the potential to go from coffeehouse waiter to Assistant Buyer at an important fashion company. It would open the path to more promotions and allow him to form connections with prominent figures in the industry. He was feeling overwhelmed in the best way.

 

The interview was scheduled for the next morning and Jimin was currently at dinner with Taemin Lee, the man who had made everything possible. He met Taemin at the diner where Jin was working. He had been complaining to his friend about not getting anywhere in his career and being afraid of staying stuck as a lousy waiter and wasting away. All he’d ever wanted was to make it in the fashion industry and pursue his passions in designing and marketing. Taemin was the answer to his prayers. He had been working at Bloomingdale’s for several years and at Macy’s before that, acquiring experience and connections that he was willing to use to help Jimin. Jimin was endlessly grateful and his friends were ecstatic he was getting the chance to prove himself professionally. Namjoon was feeling more ambivalent about the situation.

 

At first, he was absolutely thrilled his boyfriend was being given this opportunity and he was the first one Jimin told and the first one to congratulate him. He took him out to dinner and spent the night telling him how proud he was of everything Jimin was. By the end, Jimin was crying and when they returned to their apartment he asked Namjoon to make love to him and revel in his happiness with him because the good in Jimin’s life was always influenced by Namjoon’s presence in it. It was a special day for the couple. 

 

The next day marked the beginning of the end. Taemin had given Jimin a week to prepare for the interview and had promised to personally mentor him so he would blow the interviewers away and get the job. This meant that Jimin was spending nearly every waking hour with Taemin, at the older man’s apartment or at various coffee shops and restaurants (because Taemin said he would love to treat him to the best food and drinks the city could offer as pre-celebration for the success he knew was coming to Jimin). Jimin was thankful his friend was dedicating so much of his valuable time to help him work on his resume, his interview skills, and his professional readiness in general. This job meant everything to him; it would signify the stepping stone from working to live paycheck to paycheck to then being a salaried worker with endless potential in a well-established company.

 

Jimin thought about Namjoon and felt excited that he could start contributing to their shared savings account. He appreciated that his boyfriend took care of him. Namjoon was only a year older, but he had always been exponentially more sensible and practical. He was valedictorian of his high school and university classes and had won a prestigious fellowship that allowed him to continue his graduate studies without him having to pay anything himself. He found himself internships to fill any free term he had and at the age of 26 Namjoon was on his way to completing a double doctorate in paleontology and philosophy, while working as a guest lecturer at Columbia University. They were all sure Namjoon would be made a permanent member of the staff. The glaring discrepancy between Namjoon’s achievements and Jimin’s often made him feel self-conscious, though Namjoon would constantly remind him he was destined for greatness and he just needed to be patient. His boyfriend never made him feel inferior or like he was a charity case he’d taken on. 

 

Still, with this job Jimin would satisfy his own professional desires and he knew he’d make Namjoon proud of him. For this reason, Jimin didn’t mind spending hours with Taemin working on learning the fashion industry inside and out. He wasn’t only seeking to gain the Assistant Buyer position; he was planning for maximum efficiency and a promotion as soon as possible. He would be the best employee anyone could ever ask for, continuously reaching for the stars. 

 

Namjoon understood that Jimin was pushing himself in preparation for the interview, but after the romantic night they’d spent together to celebrate the news he had seen almost nothing of his boyfriend. He missed waking up with Jimin in his arms, his recently dyed blonde hair messy and most times tickling his nose or in his mouth. Namjoon didn’t know how, but he spent so many mornings carefully freeing his mouth of Jimin’s wavy hair. The younger wiggled a lot in his sleep, which was probably the cause of this problem. And yet Namjoon found himself missing the uncomfortable sensation of choking on Jimin’s hair. Now, he woke up alone, the right side of the bed cold and unwelcoming. Jimin did text him a few times throughout the day and he would call to say if he would be home for dinner (he hadn’t been for 5 nights in a row). 

 

Namjoon didn’t want to say anything that Jimin would take the wrong way, but he was honestly bothered that this Taemin guy was taking up all of Jimin’s time. Jimin still worked shifts at Central Perk, but they were during the day and Namjoon had his own work and classes to get to so it wasn’t like he could pop in to visit him. Jimin had called him earlier, sounding more than apologetic.

 

‘Sorry, Joonie, I won’t be home until late. You don’t have to wait up for me. I know Thursday mornings are hectic for you. My interview is this Friday so I don’t want to waste the little time I have left. Taemin and I are doing mock interviews and he’s even introducing me to his old boss at Macy’s!’

 

‘That’s great, sweetheart. I’m glad he’s helping you. You’re going to nail this interview and then we can spend the weekend celebrating. The guys want to throw you a party. Taehyung mentioned something about getting wasted and trying LSD for the hell of it. Jin slapped him so hard his eyes watered.’

 

Namjoon was graced with Jimin’s tinkling laughter and he closed his eyes for a moment, taking it in. It had been a while since he’d heard it.

 

‘Tae is insane! If it weren’t for you and Jin I don’t know if he would have survived adolescence.’

 

‘Agreed. It’s a frightening thought.’

 

‘Definitely. Oh, Joonie, I have to go. Taemin says our cab is here.’

 

‘Ah, okay. Have fun, learn a lot.’

 

‘Thanks!’

 

‘I love--"

 

Namjoon was cut off as the call disconnected and for a moment he could only stare at his iPhone screen in confusion. He decided to bring up the issue with his friends that night.

 

“Guys,” Namjoon began and the gravity in his tone made Taehyung drop his slice of pizza.

 

“Oh my god, what happened? Did someone die? Was it your mom? Was it mine?!”

 

“Calm down, drama queen. What the hell’s wrong with you?” Yoongi grumbled.

 

“I’m sorry, he just sounded so serious! I assumed the worst.”

 

“You did sound like you were about to tell us all the dinosaurs died for a second time,” Hoseok admitted and Namjoon rolled his eyes.

 

“Sometimes I wonder why I bother talking to you clowns.”

 

“Because you love us and because, apart from Jimin, we’re the only people who get your geeky self and don’t judge you for it,” Jungkook grinned.

 

“I mean we judge you, but it’s done with good intentions,” Taehyung laughed.

 

Yoongi’s eyes narrowed in on his best friend’s expression and he didn’t laugh with the others, instead choosing to focus on what was really on Namjoon’s mind.

 

“Namjoon, it’s about Jimin, isn’t it?”

 

The others shut up, heads turning to Yoongi and then Namjoon, who played with his slice of pizza. They had ordered two large pizzas with all the toppings the group had asked for and while Jungkook and Jin were on their fourth slice, Namjoon didn’t seem to have the appetite to finish half of his first one. They were in Jin and Yoongi’s apartment, sprawled on their sofa and armchairs and the empty space next to Namjoon looked wrong. It was rare to see Namjoon without Jimin and vice versa, yet lately that was all they’d been witnessing.

 

“Are you and Jiminie fighting about something?” Hoseok asked.

 

“No, not exactly. He has no idea that I’m feeling like this.”

 

“Like how?” Taehyung inquired.

 

“It’s stupid...I haven’t seen Jimin all week because he’s been at work and then jumping into cabs with Taemin to prepare for this interview. I want to be understanding, but I miss him so much. Texts and one-minute phone calls only go so far.”

 

“It sounds like you’re jealous,” Yoongi observed.

 

“I am. This stranger just came into our lives and he’s completely monopolized my boyfriend’s time.”

 

“Yeah, but because he’s helping Jimin. You know Jimin loves you more than life itself, right?” Jin made the point clear and Namjoon quickly nodded.

 

“I don’t doubt that nor do I doubt Jimin’s fidelity. I don’t trust that guy, though. I got a bad vibe from him when we met last week and he looks at Jimin like…”

 

The others waited for him to finish his thought.

 

“He looks at him like he  _ covets  _ him, like he wants to sink his claws into him and never let go.”

 

There was a moment of silence.

 

“What a creepy image. A Bloomingdale’s executive with claws. It makes me think of  _ The Devil Wears Prada _ ,” Jungkook commented, yelping when Yoongi smacked the back of his head.

 

“Shut it, dummy.”

 

“Joon, I think you should talk to Jimin about this,” Jin said and the others nodded.

 

“If you think Taemin is a negative influence in his life, he deserves to know,” Hoseok added.

 

“I don’t want to upset Jimin, though. I don’t want him to think I’m being unsupportive. He’s chasing his dreams and all I want is for him to get this job and see that happiness on his beautiful face,” he sighed. “I won’t say anything. The interview is tomorrow and things will change after that. He won’t need to spend all that time with Taemin and we can pretend this never happened.”

 

“But--"

 

“Do _not_ say anything to Jimin,” Namjoon cut Taehyung off and his cousin pouted.

 

“I’m terrible at keeping secrets.”

 

“Then learn to be  _ amazing  _ at keeping secrets,” he glared, making Taehyung clutch Jin’s arm fearfully.

 

Jin rolled his eyes but turned back to Namjoon.

 

“Are you sure that’s the right call?”

 

“Positive. I won’t let Taemin get between us. It’s fine. I needed to vent to you guys, so thanks for listening.”

 

“Okay… You’re welcome then,” Jin said slowly.

 

When Namjoon finally began biting into his pizza slice his older brother shared a look with Yoongi. Jin saw the same uneasiness in his boyfriend’s eyes.

 

Two months later Namjoon and Jimin’s relationship fell apart.

* * *

 

** 2012 **

 

“Son, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

 

Namjoon joined his father at the dinner table in his parents’ home. He was spending Christmas break in Long Island with his and Jimin’s parents. His boyfriend was next door at the moment and Jin had taken Yoongi on yet another tour of the landmarks of his childhood, like his primary school and the Italian restaurant where he had his first kiss (why his brother would show his boyfriend that particular spot was beyond Namjoon).

 

“Am I in trouble?” Namjoon joked and his father chuckled, adjusting his glasses. 

 

“It’s hard for me to recall a time when either your mother and I were sitting you down to talk to you about bad behavior or anything of the sort.”

 

“I was pretty much the perfect child is what you’re saying,” Namjoon smirked.

 

“Not exactly that, but I will admit you were easier to deal with than your brother and...Taehyung.”

 

Namjoon laughed out loud at the look of trauma on his father’s face at the mention of Taehyung. It was true that his cousin had been quite the mischievous child and he’d been suspended several times throughout his academic career. It was never anything serious, but Taehyung was against conformity and even in another school system he would butt heads with educators and school administrators. His family made sure to support him though and encourage him to fight for his rights and for his education if his motivation was genuine and Taehyung didn’t seek delinquency and truancy for fun. He did have his reasons.

 

“What did you want to talk to me about then?” Namjoon asked.

 

“I think a visual aid will help,” Mr. Kim winked, pulling a small jewelry box out of his jacket pocket.

 

“Dad...are you proposing to me?”

 

“Very funny,” he rolled his eyes before putting his index finger to his mouth, signaling Namjoon to stay quiet.

 

Namjoon mimed zipping his lips shut and grinned, waiting for his father to explain.

 

“This ring has been in our family for generations. It isn’t an engagement ring, though. It’s a promise ring,” Mr. Kim opened the box.

 

[The Promise Ring](https://www.tradesy.com/i/cartier-white-gold-and-diamonds-juste-un-clou-double-wrap-ring/22692417/)

 

“It’s beautiful,” Namjoon gaped at it. “Didn’t Mom wear it on her right hand? I remember that ring.”

 

Mr. Kim nodded.

 

“She moved it to her other hand because her left hand has her engagement ring and her wedding band. That’s how we’ve usually done it. Before your mother, your grandmother wore it and before her your great-grandmother. The eldest is given the ring to present to their other half. My father was an only child and I’m the eldest brother. It would fall to reason that your brother receive this ring as the eldest.”

 

“Jin’s going to love it. I don’t know if Yoongi will feel the same, but Jin will get it on him somehow,” Namjoon chuckled.

 

His father smiled but shook his head.   
  


  
“But Seokjin isn’t the one we’re passing it on to.”

 

“Wait, what?” Namjoon’s brow furrowed.

 

“Your mother and I spoke to him already and we all agreed that the one who deserves this promise ring is you, Namjoon.”

 

“Me? But--but I’m not--I’m not the eldest,” he stammered.

 

“Traditions can be altered to better fit the times and in this time, right now, you have found your other half. You found him before you could even walk.”

 

“Jimin,” Namjoon breathed his boyfriend’s name with such adoration that his father laughed.

 

“Yes. Jimin.”

 

“Are you saying you all think I’m meant to have the ring and give it to Jimin?”

 

“Are you saying you’re not? Have you really not thought about a future with Jimin by your side? As your husband?”

 

Namjoon gulped.

 

“If I say I started thinking about that in middle school will you think I’m a freak?”

 

Mr. Kim only smiled.

 

“No, I’ll think we were all right in our decision and that you should take this,” he set the ring in front of Namjoon, who stared at it before nodding.

 

“I accept. Thank you, Dad. Thank you for accepting us as we are. I know it must have been hard for you to hear both of your sons were gay.”

 

Mr. Kim waved a hand dismissively.

 

“Your mother and I never cared about society’s ridiculous constraints. Who are we and who is anyone to tell other people who they can or cannot love?”

 

Namjoon’s eyes watered.

 

“ _ Appa, gamsahamnida. Gamsahamnida _ ,” he whispered.

 

Mr. Kim dried the tears that escaped his own eyes and reached out to hold his son’s hand. 

 

“Thank  _ you  _ for making us proud to be your parents. We raised an incredible human being. And there’s no one better suited for you than Jimin. We know that.”

 

Namjoon could only nod through his tears because it was absolutely true. There was no one he could ever love more than Jimin.

* * *

** 2018 **   


 

It was after 7 when Jimin locked up his office. The day had been busier than he’d expected with three different departmental meetings and a conference call with an international supplier. He was exhausted and starving. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and nearly dropped the device. 

 

His phone screen illuminated Namjoon’s name and Jimin suddenly wished he’d never purchased the dumb thing. Maybe he should consider going off the grid for a while and disconnecting from technology altogether.

 

_ It’s the 21st century. That’s impossible and ignoring all calls and emails would get you fired _ , the logical part of his brain reminded him.

 

Jimin exhaled and tapped the green icon with more force than was necessary.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey, Jiminie.”

 

Namjoon’s familiar voice usually made his body fill with a reassuring warmth, his every nerve tickled by the older man’s smooth, deep timbre.  _ Usually. _ The effect was drastically different this time.

 

“Hey. How are you?” he asked politely.

 

“I’m good. Are you on your way home from the office?”

 

“Not yet. I’m still at Bloomingdale’s. Why, what’s up?”

 

“I need to talk to you about something. Could we get dinner? I’m in a cab heading your way. I can be there in 15 if you don’t mind waiting?”

 

Jimin swallowed. There was only one thing Namjoon would need to discuss with him today of all days. 

 

“I don’t mind. Did you have a restaurant in mind?”

 

“I was thinking the diner with the lavender pancakes.”

 

“What is with you and your obsession with having breakfast for dinner?”

 

“Breakfast is the best meal of the day! Why not repeat it,” Namjoon said defensively and Jimin huffed a small laugh.

 

“I’ll see you soon then.”   
  


  
“See you.”

 

Jimin hung up, letting his hand drop to his side and taking a deep breath. A brief phone call had been easy enough, but would he be able to sit across from Namjoon, stare into his pretty brown eyes, and pretend that he wasn’t wishing he had a time machine that could turn back time and let them start anew? 

 

Jimin still had vivid dreams (nightmares) about their break-up. His memories permeated his subconscious, reminding him even in sleep that he had lost his soulmate. There was no doubt in his mind that Namjoon was his soulmate. He’d known as a child and he knew now. Namjoon had hurt him--wounded him so deeply he called in sick to work for a week because it was impossible to get out of bed and force water and granola bars down his throat. Yet, Jimin hadn’t marked that moment as a permanent end to their relationship. He figured somewhere down the line they’d come back to each other. Jimin had been on many dates since their break-up 11 months ago. Nothing serious, but he had been tending to his physical needs at least.

 

For the first two months they couldn’t be in the same room and the strain it caused on the entire group was so strong Jimin and Namjoon realized they were being unfair with their friends. They got together, consumed copious amounts of alcohol, and declared a truce. 

 

‘Can we be friends?’ Namjoon had asked, speech slurred, eyes hazy.

 

‘We can try,’ Jimin had whispered.

 

And so it had been. Their friends breathed a collective sigh of relief at being able to hang out as a cohesive group again. Jimin began dating first. It was another two months later that he introduced them to Kai, a muscular soccer coach he’d met at his gym. They lasted a total of 12 days and Jimin was only in it for the sex. That and the effect it had on Namjoon. The older man had looked  _ devastated _ . He fumbled through an excuse about needing to meet a colleague at the university to plan for some conference and was gone before Kai and Jimin could order their coffees. Jimin knew it was twisted to rejoice in his ex-boyfriend’s pain, but he hadn’t forgiven him yet and that was the only way he could get back at him. Petty? Maybe. A necessary mechanism of self-defense? Absolutely.

 

Yoongi had looked at him with disdain and Jin looked a bit disappointed, but his friends were polite enough to Kai. He had been heading out the door (Kai had invited him back to his apartment and Jimin didn’t hesitate to accept) when Yoongi finally spoke up. He was brief and made sure to speak so only Jimin could hear him.

 

‘You’re going to regret pushing him to his breaking point. I can see your intentions are to reach that point. Don’t, Jimin.’

 

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m allowed to date, aren’t I?  _ I  _ was the injured party. Who fucked someone else? Me or him?’

 

Yoongi frowned at his caustic tone and Jimin knew he was being bratty, but he wasn’t in the mood to be lectured.

 

‘It wasn’t that black and white. He screwed up and we all gave him hell for it, but the events that led up to that act have to be taken into account.’

 

‘I don’t want to hear this. I get that you’re his best friend and not mine, but I don’t want to deal with this shit. He’s the dirty cheater. If seeing me with other guys hurts his feelings, tough shit.’

 

Jimin stormed out, dragging a startled Kai after him, feeling the weight of Yoongi’s stare on his back. Yoongi never brought up that tense moment again, simply letting it pass as if nothing had happened. Jimin continued to go on dates and Namjoon continued to look like someone was stabbing him with a serrated knife until several months later he entered the coffee shop, looking nervous and unsure of himself. He was the last one of the group to settle into their usual spots on the large velvet couches near the center of the coffee shop. 

 

‘What’s up with you? You’re all fidgety and weird,’ Jungkook wasted no time to interrogate his friend, who blushed and tried to hide behind his mug of jasmine tea as he answered.

 

‘I have a date tonight.’

 

‘Whoa, what?! With who?’ Taehyung flung himself into his cousin’s side, jostling his hot beverage and making Hoseok, who sat on his other side, drop the last piece of his brownie on the floor.

 

‘Damn it, Taehyung,’ he grumbled.

 

‘Oops, sorry, Hobi. Tell us, tell us who’s the charming individual that managed to sweep you off your dorky loafers!’

 

‘What makes my loafers dorky? They’re a sensible footwear,’ Namjoon frowned, adjusting the glasses he’d worn that morning because he’d forgotten his contacts at his brother’s apartment.

 

‘Don’t make me insult you, cuz. Now spill!’

 

Namjoon sighed, avoiding Jimin’s curious stare and choosing to recount his story to the coffee shop floor.

 

‘His name’s Jared and he’s a French literature professor at the university. He asked me out this afternoon and I’m supposed to meet him in less than an hour. He made reservations at a chic new Mediterranean restaurant downtown.’

 

‘Ooh,’ Jin and Taehyung chorused.

 

Jimin remained silent as the others questioned Namjoon about the Jared guy until it was time for him to go on his date. Namjoon stood up slowly, shooting them an awkward wave as he left, eyes lingering on Jimin before he turned away and exited Central Perk. From his seat in the sole armchair Jimin saw him hug a tall, blonde man who was much too attractive to be a professor. He looked like a J. Crew model, what the fuck? 

 

The others must have noticed his anger and jealousy, but they were smart enough not to say anything. They were pleased Namjoon was trying to date again like Jimin was. It signaled some progress in their post-breakup. At the same time, the five of them firmly believed this separation was temporary. Like Jimin, they assumed the pair would find their way back to each other in the end.

 

Jared and Namjoon dated for three weeks, but Namjoon admitted that their chemistry was weak and he had told the other man he saw them better suited for friendship. Jimin internally breathed a sigh of relief, going back to his casual dates and hookups. Namjoon didn’t pursue anyone else and this gave Jimin a sort of assurance. 

 

A month later Namjoon met Jackson Wang.

 

Three months after that Jimin received their wedding invitation in the mail.   


* * *

 

 

“Hey,” Namjoon’s dimples greeted Jimin as he joined him in the cab, which continued on to their selected diner.

 

“Hey yourself. How goes the life of Columbia’s finest professor?” Jimin teased.

 

“Guest lecturer,” Namjoon amended with a bashful grin, “But, thanks. And today was good. I administered a mid-term exam in all my classes and I’ve started grading the first bunch. They’ve been paying attention in class. Makes me proud.”

 

Jimin giggled, falling into the flow of conversation and laughter brought about by Namjoon’s intoxicating presence. The unease he’d felt with the initial phone call had been replaced by happiness. He’d known Namjoon his entire life; no one knew Jimin better than the tall, clumsy man by his side. Perhaps no one ever would.

 

They arrived at the diner and settled into a cushioned booth, taking their menus from the perky waitress with matching grins of amusement. 

 

“You’re going for the lavender pancakes, right?”

 

“Is that a legitimate question?” Jimin joked.

 

“You’re right, what was I thinking? Of course you are.”

 

“You’re equally as predictable, Joon. We both know you’re ordering the chocolate chip waffles with scrambled eggs and hash browns. And you’re going to smother half your plate with ketchup, inevitably getting some on your waffles and then bitching about how wrong the syrup tastes afterwards. You want coffee like you have in the mornings, but it’ll keep you up all night, so you’re getting tea--though you’ll ask the waitress to drown it in honey and Splenda so really how healthy is your choice?” he asked rhetorically.

 

Namjoon gaped at him and Jimin felt a blush color his fair skin. 

 

_ Shit, I can’t keep acting like I did when we were together. It’s hard for me to seperate the old Jimin and Namjoon from the people we are in the present. Across from me sits a man on the cusp of marrying someone else. I need to remember that. _

 

“Don’t look so surprised. Anyone could have guessed that. You’re boring as hell,” he sniped, making Namjoon roll his eyes.

 

“You know everyone keeps saying that and I’m starting to feel offended. I can be reckless and adventurous too. I’m just a firm believer in practicality and stability. Living life on the edge is dangerous.”

 

Jimin nodded, biting back the reassurances on the tip of his tongue. He had been lying, throwing out words mindlessly to distract the other man. He had never found Namjoon boring. He appreciated his prosaic mind the logical perspective he applied to every aspect of his life. It was always a source of comfort for Jimin, who tended to be careless and impulsive. 

 

“Jimin, I wanted to talk to you in person because...There are things I feel I need to clarify.”

 

Jimin gulped, seeing Namjoon steel himself for the serious conversation he was about to commence. 

 

“You should have received something in the mail,” Namjoon began and Jimin suddenly jumped in.

 

“You mean your wedding invitation?”

 

The words were a touch too loud and an old man at the table nearby glanced over for a second before returning to his steak. Jimin flushed but wasn’t deterred. He needed to control this discussion because if he didn’t, he was afraid he’d end up crying his eyes out in front of Namjoon and he couldn’t allow himself to expose such weakness.

 

“I’m glad we got to meet in person. I meant to call you and wish you and Jackson a big congratulations. You know how much I love weddings--the big gathering of emotional people, the sappy exchange of vows and seeing everyone on the dance floor at the reception! Music, romance, alcohol, it’s paradise.”

 

Namjoon could only blink at him, stunned at the beatific smile on the younger blonde’s face.

 

“Oh...I assumed that, um, that you’d be…”

 

“Upset? Joon, we’ve been best friends since we were in diapers. How could I be anything but overjoyed when someone I care so much about is in love and embarking on an incredible journey like this one? Committing yourself--for life--to another person, that’s a magical thing. I’m happy for you. Truly, I am.”

 

Namjoon seemed to sigh in relief before his thick lips stretched into a beautifully dimpled smile. 

 

“Thanks, Jimin. Your opinion means the world to me. I was worried it would be uncomfortable because of our history, but like you said we’ve known each other our entire lives and I value your friendship more than anything.”

 

“I feel the same. And the invitation said the wedding will be held in London? That’s wild!”

 

Namjoon nodded enthusiastically, explaining that Jackson’s family was lending them one of their estates for the reception and the church was the same one Jackson’s parents had used for their wedding. 

 

“It was a bit of a struggle preparing for the wedding ceremony. I was so uninformed about the religious traditions involved. Jackson and his parents are Christian--Catholics to be precise--and they wanted the big church wedding to be orthodox, or as orthodox as a Catholic wedding for gay men can be,” he chuckled weakly and Jimin’s fake smile dimmed, though not enough to alert Namjoon of the train of his thoughts.

 

_ A traditional Catholic wedding? Namjoon is a fucking atheist. He abhors everything about organized religion and he considers churches a continuous representation of repression and judgment. He always talked about having a wedding free of all societal norms and expectations. Not a church, but an open meadow or a tiny beach off the coast of Latin America. Something beautiful and removed meant for only those who mattered most to him. I started looking at places online. Colombia seemed perfect. I could imagine us there, just us, our parents, and our 5 close friends. It wouldn’t be about showing off wealth or proving ourselves to anyone. How could Namjoon accept this? Did Jackson and his family force him to compromise his ideals for this wedding? _

 

“Jimin?”

 

Jimin broke himself out of his thoughts and hummed to show he was listening.

 

“So?”

 

“I’m sorry, I missed the last thing you said. I was thinking of some paperwork I’m pretty certain I filed incorrectly. May come back and bite me in the ass,” he quickly fibbed.

 

“Oh, damn, hopefully not. I was asking you about your RSVP. Will you be able to join us at the wedding and are you bringing a guest? If you could also let me know what protein you prefer for your entree, I would appreciate it.”

 

“I can’t go.”

 

Namjoon’s face fell.

 

“Oh.”

 

Jimin rushed to string his excuse together.

 

“It’s not that I don’t want to! I’d love to be there, front row, to support you two. It’s just that my boss scheduled me to attend this two day conference with him and it’s a big deal. The major players in the industry are all going to be present. You know, Macy’s, Ralph Lauren, Hugo Boss, everyone. It’s an honor to be given this chance and he even hinted at a promotion. If I had known about the date of your wedding before I absolutely wouldn’t attend, but my boss told me about this months ago.”

 

“Oh, I see. I understand that this was short notice. We gave our guests two weeks without considering their established plans. I only hope most people can attend.”

 

“I’m sorry, Joonie,” he whispered but Namjoon gave him a warm smile and covered one of Jimin’s hands with his larger palm.

 

“Don’t be, Jiminie. I’ll miss you, but you have your own life to live and this is important to your career. I promise I understand and I’m not offended. The wedding will be taped and we have professional photographers, so I’ll make sure you get to see everything. Won’t be the same without you, of course, but when we come back from the honeymoon we can meet up and fill each other in on everything. I may be getting married, but you could become CEO of Bloomingdale’s and rule New York!”   
  


A laugh bubbled out of Jimin’s chest.

 

“I doubt I’ll go from Assistant Buyer to CEO, but hey let’s dream big.”

 

“Absolutely.”

 

They smiled at each other, the silence comfortable but heavy in many ways. Jimin felt the weight and warmth of his best friend’s palm on his hand and wished he could flip his hand over and intertwine their fingers the way he’d always done. Instead, he gently retracted his hand to make way for the streaming plates of food the waitress had brought. Talk shifted to more mundane details about the wedding, like the floral arrangement and the color of the groomsmen’s ties.

 

“Who’s your best man?”

 

“Jin would kill me if it were anyone but him.”

 

“He can be terrifying.”

 

“Right? I think I’ll dye my hair again. The blonde’s fading and I feel like it’s time for a change.”

 

“Purple?”

 

Namjoon shot him a look.

 

“Never again. I looked like a grape.”

 

“A cute grape,” Jimin corrected him.

 

“Thanks,” his smile was tender and Jimin wanted to kiss him. “Silver would give me an air of sophistication, I think.”

 

Jimin gave him a thumbs-up. There was no doubt in his mind Namjoon would pull it off. The man had managed to look stunning with purple hair and at one point a crimson-red that would have been cringeworthy on anyone else. 

 

The pair finished their breakfast for dinner before the clock in the diner struck 10. Namjoon paid, smacking Jimin’s hand away from the bill. He ordered a cab for Jimin and paid the driver before Jimin was even seated inside.

 

“Seriously?”

 

“What? This was on me. I asked for us to meet and inconvenienced you so it’s my treat. Don’t worry about it just make sure you get home safe.”

 

“Fine, Moneybags. Thanks. Aren’t you getting in?”

 

Namjoon shook his head.

 

“I’m meeting Jackson at a bar a few blocks from here and he has the car tonight so I’ll be fine. We’re going over the guest list again, checking to make sure all the invitations were sent out. Weddings are stressful. The movies weren’t lying,” Namjoon groaned and Jimin hummed in acquiescence.

 

“Ok then. Good night, Joon...See you later.”

 

“Good night, Jimin. Have sweet dreams.”

 

The impossibility of that statement forced Jimin to hold back a scoff. He waved, closing the door of the cab and rattling off the address to his and Hoseok’s apartment. The cab took off, leaving Namjoon in the rearview mirror. Jimin’s artificial smile dropped off his face and his entire body sunk back into the frayed leather of the cab’s backseat. His small frame began to shake, the effort he’d put into his facade leaving him feeling exhausted and drained. It didn’t take long for the first tears to fall. The sobs followed soon after. The cab driver, a kind older man, tried to console him, asking him if there was anything he could do to help. Jimin couldn’t speak, could barely breathe. Eventually, the driver fell silent, switching the radio on and letting the booming voice of Frank Sinatra fill the cab. 

 

Jimin’s nails dug into each of his forearms as he attempted to anchor himself in the physical pain instead of the more crippling emotional wounds afflicting his heart and his soul. He cried so hard his head began to throb. 

  
When the cab stopped on the sidewalk in front of his apartment, Jimin took a shaky breath and wiped the final tears away. He thanked the driver and stepped out without another word. He entered his apartment quietly, making sure he wouldn’t wake his roomate. He lay on his bed, not bothering to turn on the light or change his clothes. He stared up at the ceiling, mind blank. A sense of finality had overcome him. There was nothing more to be done.   



	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I sobbed my way through this and I am very happy with the final product. I hope all of you lovely readers will be too!

**2013**

 

“What do you think about a winter wedding? We could do it in Central Park, have snow falling around us as we recite our vows. It would be like a fairytale,” Jimin spoke dreamily and Namjoon snorted.

 

“It would be _exactly_ like one, which is why we can’t do it. It would be a huge mistake. We aren’t Disney characters, we’re real human beings who struggle with the cold every time winter comes around. You, especially, spend half of winter cursing the heavens for sending down blizzards and frigid winds. Do you want to walk down the aisle shivering and scowling? Cause that’s what would happen.”

 

Jimin shoved Namjoon so roughly he almost fell out of the booth. They’d been having a late lunch in a cafe near the university, both finished with their Thursday classes. The conversation had shifted to how they envisioned their futures. Jimin’s promise ring glittered as stray beams of sunlight filtered in through the window by their table. 

 

“Ouch! Are you trying to kill your future husband?” Namjoon complained, rubbing his left arm.

 

“If you keep making fun of my ideas, you won’t  _ be _ my future husband. You’ll be that dick I beat up in the coffee shop next to Walgreens.”

 

“Jimin, please, I’m a lover not a fighter.”

 

“Well, I’m both so don’t try me.”

 

Namjoon held his hands up, indicating his surrender.

 

“Apologies, Your Majesty. I wouldn’t dare to contradict you again,” he used a British accent that somehow sounded German and Jimin couldn’t contain his laughter.

 

“You’re an idiot.”

 

“An idiot in love, baby,” he winked.

 

“Shut up,” Jimin mumbled, blushing.

 

Namjoon chuckled, taking one of his hands and pressing a gentle kiss to the palm.

 

“Nothing would make me happier than spending the rest of my life letting you abuse me with your words.”

 

“Namjoon! We’re in public, stop being so cheesy” he chastised, though they both knew he relished his boyfriend’s eternal sappiness.

 

“Don’t act like you’re Mr. Stoic. Wasn’t it last week that you bawled through a laundry detergent commercial and then threw yourself into my arms, repeating how much you loved me and how much I meant to you? What was that about, huh?”

 

Jimin’s face approached the shade of a tomato.

 

“That--that was--you know what, don’t worry about it. It won’t happen again. I don’t love you that much and my Keurig machine means more to me than you.”

 

“Jiminie, you’re pouting,” Namjoon grinned.

 

“No, I’m not!” he said through his deep pout.

 

“You’re so cute. If you want a winter wedding, I’ll put up with the cold. I don’t care if my fingers go numb and my lips chap. As long as I get to marry you.”

 

Jimin’s heart jumped wildly in his chest.

 

“Really?”

 

“Really.”

 

Jimin kissed him once, pulling away and smiling up at him.

 

“But, I want to be fair so if you have any ideas, I want to hear them. Where do you picture the wedding?”

 

Namjoon wrapped an arm around his tiny boyfriend, pulling him close and laying his chin on his fluffy hair before he began speaking.

 

“It’s summer and the sky is a bright blue, the sun illuminating the aisle. We’re on a pristine beach--white sand, turquoise ocean, a mild, salty breeze ruffling your hair. It’s a small event--intimate--just our closest friends and family members and the officiator of the wedding. You know how I feel about organized religion and I know your spirituality matters to you. I respect that and we would find a way to incorporate that in the ceremony, but you don’t care about orthodox traditions or whatever and a church would feel wrong to me. Too confined, too dark. You are my light, Jimin, and it only makes sense that our wedding showcase that. If not a beach, maybe a meadow? And not here, but somewhere new, where it becomes an adventure just getting there, maybe South America? It seems simple, but I want what matters most to be me and you and not some fancy location with over the top decorations and a crowd of people who don’t truly know or care about us and our relationship. What do you think?”

 

Namjoon was surprised to hear sniffles and he pulled away to be able to see his boyfriend’s face.

 

“Jiminie? Are you ok?”

 

Jimin laughed as he wiped at his tears.

 

“You were right. I cry over a Downy commercial with a puppy and a little boy and I cry every time I watch  _ Titanic _ because beautiful things touch my heart and I’m not good at hiding my feelings. What you just said? I’d be sobbing disgustingly if I wasn’t conscious that we are surrounded by strangers. I love it, I love  _ you _ . I want exactly what you described. I don’t need some huge, superficial wedding, I only need to walk down the aisle and find you at the other end.”

 

Namjoon kissed him so hard Jimin lost his breath.

* * *

 

  
**2018**

 

“We get back late Monday night. It’s only 4 days,” Hoseok said and Jimin laughed, closing the novel he’d been attempting to finish at their kitchen table.

 

“Hobi, I know it’s only 4 days, not only because I have the ability to count but because you’ve been saying it nonstop for weeks.”

 

“I’m sorry, I just hate that we’re abandoning you,” the dancer’s features were twisted in concern, the strap of his backpack slipping off of one shoulder.

 

He had packed lightly, only one small carry-on suitcase and the backpack he had once used for university.

 

“You aren’t abandoning me. Don’t be ridiculous. You’re attending a friend’s wedding and I would be going with you if it weren’t for a prior commitment. It’s fine.”

 

Hoseok nodded, still looking guilty. Jimin wondered if he should feel more remorseful about lying so convincingly to all his friends about his “work conference.” The only one who had seemed skeptical had been Yoongi. The black-haired man had narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, studying Jimin for what seemed like an eternity before nodding and telling him he would be missed. 

 

“Well, at least you won’t be alone. What time does Lisa get here?”

 

“She has work until 6 and she should be here by 7.”

 

Lisa Manoban was a friend of Jimin’s from Central Perk. She had been a waitress there, but she’d left before Jimin had, finding a good job as a paralegal assistant in the Village. She and her fianc é e were also expecting a baby (actually  _ babies  _ since they’d recently been told by the doctor that triplets were coming)  and Lisa was nearly 8 months pregnant. She shouldn’t have been working and should have been taking it easy and relaxing at home, but no one told Lisa what to do. Not even a doctor.

 

Jimin had kept in touch with Lisa because he had considered her a sweet and hilarious person and they had similar interests in fashion and television. They’d become good friends through work and would often meet for brunch or movie nights. She was really the only friend, outside of the group, he felt he could confide in about the important events in his life and recently, she was the only one he’d told about the way he was really feeling about Namjoon’s upcoming nuptials. That was why she’d offered to spend the weekend at his apartment to keep him company and try to keep his mind on what would be happening in England’s capital.

 

It was now less than 48 hours to D-Day and Jimin’s friends were on their way to the airport to catch their flight to London. The rehearsal dinner was that night and the wedding ceremony was scheduled for 2 PM the next day, a Saturday. Namjoon was already in London, perfecting the final elements of the ceremony and subsequent reception. He had come to say goodbye to Jimin before he left, hugging him and telling him again that he wished he could come and that he would always be his best friend. The sentiment pulled at Jimin’s heart, but it also felt devastatingly insufficient. 

 

Since the night he had bawled his eyes out in the backseat of a cab Jimin had stayed strong, not shedding a single tear or displaying any negative emotion about the wedding he wouldn’t be attending. His friends had been surprised, but they’d let him be, assuming he was healing on his own. Jimin wondered if he was that skilled of a liar or if his friends genuinely thought he was better off moving on from Namjoon and giving up on him. Did they think they weren’t meant to be together? After so many years it would have made sense for them to have more opinions on the issue. To be fair, they had tried in the first months after their breakup, but Jimin wasn’t in the headspace to listen then, something he couldn’t be blamed for.

 

“Jiminie? Are you sure you’re okay?” Hoseok had placed a hand on his head, lightly caressing strands of his golden hair.

 

“With Namjoon’s wedding or with the fact that my closest friends, including my roommate, are abandoning me in America?”  
  
  


Hoseok’s mouth dropped and Jimin burst into laughter.

 

“Hobi, I’m kidding! I’m okay with all of it, trust me.”

 

“Stop playing with my emotions like that!”

 

“Sorry,” he grinned and Hoseok pulled on his hair, making him whine.

 

“Hoseok, the cab’s downstairs. Let’s get this show on the road,” Jungkook’s voice filtered in as he and Taehyung appeared, rolling their own suitcases behind them.

 

“Hey, Jiminie. Have you changed your mind about London? I’m sure I can fit you into my suitcase if you want to come,” Taehyung laughed.

 

“Is that a diss about my height?” he glared and the brunette shrugged.

 

“Only partially... We really do wish you could come.”

 

Jimin sighed.

 

“I know. I’m sorry.”

 

“Keep us updated about your conference. We’ll bring back the best liquor England has to offer to celebrate your promotion!” Jungkook said.

 

“Thanks, Kookie. I appreciate it. Now get going. I don’t want you guys to miss your flight!”

 

Hoseok kept fussing over him and asking him if he needed anything else before he left until finally Jimin stood from his chair and shoved the man out the door.

 

“Bye!” he called through the door, smiling at the “I love you!” he got in return. “Love you too.”

 

When the sounds of footsteps and suitcase wheels disappeared and Jimin was left with silence, he returned to the kitchen table. He was going to try and continue reading, but something nagged at him. He couldn’t ignore the feeling and he let himself be led to his bedroom, as if he were a puppet whose strings were being pulled on. He moved to open his bedside drawer, removing a small box. He sat on his bed and removed the lid.

 

There sat his ring. It had once symbolized the love and surety he and Namjoon had felt, but now it symbolized broken dreams and a hope that only seemed childish. Had they really believed their love would last forever? Magazines kept publishing updated statistics about divorce rates and how many people remained married as they secretly hated each other. Why did Jimin and Namjoon think they would be any different?

 

_ Maybe this was better. What if we had gotten married and then realized we made each other miserable? At least this way we weren’t so attached. _

 

Jimin scoffed at his own thoughts, knowing it was complete bullshit. The notion of not being “attached” to Namjoon was simply laughable. 

 

_ The problem isn’t that I don’t want to be with him; it’s Namjoon who’s done with me. We hurt each other, wounded each other so profoundly we feel the dull ache every time we see each other. We pretend we don’t...Namjoon was tired of remembering the past so he put himself on a path to a better future. And he made sure I wasn’t in it. He’s probably right too. I was never worthy of him. He’s going to find his happiness with someone else. He’s better off without me… _

* * *

 

 

Namjoon had a migraine that threatened to split his head open. The rehearsal dinner was in less than four hours, the wedding was  _ tomorrow  _ and he was trying on his tuxedo for the seventh time. At the behest of his soon to be father-in-law, Namjoon was sent back to the tailor to make sure his tuxedo fit perfectly. The minute he arrived in London with his fiancee and the Wangs picked him up at the airport, Mr. Wang looked him over and shook his head disapprovingly.

 

“You’ve gained weight, lost muscle tone. I told you to take care of yourself and look your best for the wedding. I see you completely disregarded that.”

 

“Uh, I--I mean I may have gained a half a pound, but nothing more than that. I was following the diet you laid out for me and I only broke it once a few weeks ago when I had dinner with a friend and then Jackson and I had some drinks--

 

“You too? Do you know how many calories are in a bottle of beer or in a mixed drink? Jackson, that’s disappointing,” he reprimanded his son, who flushed and stared at the ground.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Mrs. Wang had stood by silently, nodding at her husband’s every word and doing nothing to intervene. When Mr. Wang ordered Namjoon to return to the family tailor he could only follow Mrs. Wang’s example and nod along. Jackson hadn’t spoken to him since they’d gotten off the plane, which didn’t surprise him. He was a different person in front of his parents. He became withdrawn and reserved, only speaking when one of his parents addressed him and not sharing his own thoughts or opinions. The wedding had been planned by the Wangs and their wedding planner (who had apparently been responsible for organizing Prince William’s wedding). That included the service, the official guest list, the reception at their estate, and even their honeymoon. Namjoon had wanted to go to Portugal and practice the Portuguese he’d been learning for fun and Jackson had agreed, wanting to explore the beautiful country himself. Mr. Wang had been opposed.

 

‘Portugal? Why would you pick a silly place like that? No, I’ve planned your honeymoon to China. My son needs to reconnect to his roots and you’ve never been, Namjoon, which is baffling considering its importance in the globalized world. But, then again you’ve been completely Americanized by your parents and have never even visited your ancestors’ land so why would I expect you to have visited mine?’

 

Namjoon had explained (through gritted teeth) that he hadn’t had the opportunity to travel to Korea because of time and money constraints, but he knew about his culture and he spoke Korean fluently. Mr. Wang had only scoffed at that.

 

‘Korean but not Mandarin or Cantonese? Those are much more valuable in this day and age. I speak both and I can assure you they’ve gotten me far. After the wedding, I’ll make sure you begin learning both.’

 

Namjoon hadn’t been fully prepared to deal with his fiancee’s parents and that was largely due to the fact that he had only known Jackson for three months. His parents had told him he was rushing into it (hell even Jungkook told him he was acting rashly) but Namjoon hadn’t listened. He believed he was ready for this commitment and Jackson was an amazing person. He had gotten him out of a depression he had thought he’d never be able to overcome without drugs or extensive therapy. He was handsome and charming and hilarious and he told him he loved him a month after they met. Namjoon was so thankful to hear those words he said them back without a second thought. It was only weeks later that he wondered if he had really meant them.

 

Getting married had seemed like the right idea. Namjoon wasn’t a one-night-stand kind of guy and he had only been in serious relationships (a total of 2 before meeting Jackson) so why not the most serious relationship of all, a marriage? Jackson had been stunned when he proposed, but he recovered quickly and accepted through enthusiastic screams of joy. He never brought up any concerns about acting impulsively and just jumped into wedding planning. Namjoon met his parents via Skype a day after the proposal and was greatly intimidated by the stern-looking couple, both attractive, sophisticated and  _ terrifying _ . 

 

The first thing Mrs. Wang asked him was if he was actually a woman.

 

‘W-what? N-no, I’m a man,’ he had stuttered and the Wangs had shared a collective sigh.

 

‘We had hoped Jackson would work through his homosexual phase...If you’re truly a man then we’ve failed as parents.’

 

Namjoon’s jaw had dropped and Jackson had mumbled an apology, though Namjoon hadn’t been sure if it was to him or his parents.

 

‘Nonetheless, when he told us he was ready to settle down and get serious, I began making plans for the future of the family business and the family name. We’ve told people about our son’s upcoming nuptials and we won’t go back on our word even if the spouse he chose is...you,’ Mr. Wang looked at him with thinly veiled distaste. ‘We’ll begin preparations for the event.’

 

‘We’ll send the guest list next week.’

 

And that had been that. Once the call ended Jackson practically fell to his knees in front of Namjoon rambling about how bad he felt about the way his parents had treated him and promising him things with them would get better once they got to know him. Namjoon hadn’t wanted to bring any negativity into their relationship, which had been so perfect until now so he smiled and kissed his fiancee, assuring him he would make his parents love him.

 

Weeks passed and Namjoon was pretty sure they hated him more than they initially had. Mr. Wang had attached a strict diet and exercise plan along with the guest list, saying that he had an image to uphold if he was joining their family. There would be many important figures at the wedding and Namjoon would not embarrass them in any way, shape, or form. Namjoon didn’t know who these important figures were, but he was sure Mr. Wang wouldn’t appreciate it if he asked. 

 

“Sir, have you finished dressing?” a knock at the dressing room door pulled him out of his thoughts.

 

“Yes. It fits fine. I think we’re done now.”

 

“Let me see it again. Mr. Wang specifically asked me to ensure your tuxedo was immaculately designed and fitted.”

 

Namjoon bit back a growl. He had been at the tailor’s shop for hours, changing in and out of his tux every time the middle-aged man claimed something wasn’t right with the sleeve or the bow tie or the inseam or whatever the hell else. It was driving him insane. Jackson had called him to tell him he had heard back from all the caterers and the menu for tomorrow was finalized, which had seemed like a good thing until he informed him that there had been some changes.

 

‘Oh, but we won’t be able to offer the chicken dish...or the steak. It’s an all-seafood menu now--from the soup and salad to the entrees.’

 

‘Wait, what?’

 

‘Yeah, my mother said seafood was the best option because it presents a more elegant picture and our guests only deserve the finest cuisine. There’s going to be caviar and eel and oysters and bluefish tuna and--

 

‘Jackson, I’m allergic to seafood.’

 

There was silence on the line for a second.

 

‘I forgot about that...Well, there’s still the vegetarian option. You can eat that!’

 

‘I  _ can _ eat it, but it won’t be filling. And my brother hates fish. He was excited about his filet mignon.’

 

‘But I’m sure he’ll enjoy the seafood we’re offering! If not, he can have the vegetarian option as well,’ Jackson cheerfully moved on to the dessert options and the song they’d dance to for their first dance as a married couple, but Namjoon had stopped listening.

 

When his fiancee told him he had to go to his meeting with their priest, Namjoon had numbly said goodbye. He didn’t remember if he had said ‘I love you’ as they hung up, but what was worse was he didn’t think he would have meant it if he said it.   


* * *

 

“Go fish!” Lisa shouted gleefully and Jimin groaned, throwing his cards on the coffee table and dropping his head on the armrest of the sofa he was lounging on.

 

“I’m miserable.”

 

“You can’t be if I’m around. I won’t allow it!”

 

Jimin picked up his head to shoot her a skeptical look.

 

“No offense, Lisa, but watching your favorite soap opera and playing Go Fish hasn’t really helped me.”

 

“That’s because I haven’t brought out the big guns yet.”

 

He raised an eyebrow questioningly.

 

“Alcohol!”

 

“You can’t drink, you’re pregnant.”

 

She rolled her eyes.

 

“No shit, am I? I hadn’t noticed despite the watermelon on steroids I’m currently sporting,” she gestured to her round belly. “And I won’t be drinking. You will.”

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m an emotional person when I’m sober. Drunk, I’m an emotional wreck, especially with what I’m feeling now.”

 

“I know that, but we’re going to use it to our advantage. Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. I need you to bring my bag, which I put in your room, by the wardrobe. It contains two bottles of tequila and one bottle of soju.”

 

“Goddamn, am I expected to finish even a quarter of that? Is your solution to my depression to lead me to an alcohol-induced death?”

 

“Just do it. Get yourself a glass and get me a glass of milk with some cookies. Please and thank you. Ah, and one more thing,” she made Jimin, who had stood to fetch her bag, pause. “Bring me pictures of Namjoon.”

 

He frowned.

 

“Why?”

 

“Stop asking questions and do it!”

 

“Alright, alright. Your pregnancy hormones have made you extra scary, you know.”

 

“Trust me, I know,” she grinned unapologetically.

 

When Jimin returned with everything Lisa shifted on the couch to make herself more comfortable, popping a couple cookies into her mouth and sipping from her glass of milk. 

 

“Am I just going to watch you inhale cookies?”

 

“Keep talking and I’ll crush you with my stomach.”

 

“And make your kids accomplices in murder?”   
  


  
“They’ll do anything for their mother.”

 

“You’re crazy. Should I start drinking?”

 

She nodded.

 

“Where are the pictures of Namjoon?”

 

Jimin handed them over.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Shit, I forgot how sexy he was,” she made a hum of appreciation and Jimin glared at her.

 

“Not helping.”

 

“Sorry,” she mumbled, still drooling over the pictures.

 

“Okay, maybe I should take these away from you.”

 

“No! I’m over the pure sex appeal and perfection he radiates.”

 

Jimin rolled his eyes. 

 

“And now I can objectively prove to you that he isn’t worth your tears and that him marrying someone else is good for you. Drink!”

 

Jimin reluctantly drank from the half-full glass of tequila, wincing at the bitter taste. 

 

“I haven’t drunk in a while and my tolerance is low to begin with.”

 

“Good, then this will speed our timeline up. Keep drinking!”

 

He chugged the tequila down, hissing at the aftertaste.

 

“While you drink I want you to look at these pictures. What do you see?”   
  
  


Jimin refilled his glass and drank as his eyes roamed over the photographs.

 

“I see the man I’m desperately in love with.”

 

Lisa regarded him sympathetically.

 

“I know, babe. But, you can’t think about him like that. It won’t help the process. Instead, I need you to look at him and see it like this: the man who broke your heart and more importantly broke your  _ trust _ .”

 

“He did. He hurt me so much I thought I’d never recover. I couldn’t leave my bed. I could barely eat and sleep. I would just stare into the darkness of my bedroom and wonder what went wrong.”

 

“It wasn’t your fault, Jimin.”

 

“Except it was. Partially, at least. What I did wasn’t fair either.”

* * *

 

**2017**

 

Namjoon sat in the coffeehouse, slumped over a table in the backmost corner of the room. Usually, the group of seven took over the large couch at the front of the room, but he hadn’t bothered to walk much farther than the door. A waitress had tentatively approached to ask him for his order and he had mumbled something about tea, which she placed on his table and scurried away to friendlier, more stable looking customers. He didn’t blame her. He must have looked like shit.

 

It was his and Jimin’s seven year anniversary. Seven years ago, on this day, Jimin had come storming into the second floor boys’ bathroom, demanding to know why Namjoon had been avoiding him. Namjoon didn’t want to be a coward anymore and he had confessed his feelings for his best friend, which were thankfully reciprocated. They shared their first kiss (Namjoon’s first kiss  _ ever _ ) and began dating. 

 

The previous year the couple had celebrated by driving to New Jersey to spend the day at Six Flags. They were both thrill ride enthusiasts and they’d taken the day off from work to be able to commemorate it together. They gorged on junk food after they’d made their way through all the rides and ended the day by spontaneously going skinny dipping in a lake they found on the drive back. It was perfect.

 

This year Namjoon had planned to surprise Jimin at work. He had gotten the job at Bloomingdale’s, which made Namjoon incredibly proud and had also given him hope that things would go back to normal and he’d get to see his boyfriend in more than just the pictures on his phone. Unfortunately, it had been a month since Jimin commenced his new job and nothing had changed. Jimin worked long hours and spent an infuriating amount of time with his friend and now co-worker Taemin. Jimin had even gone to the office for two weekends, leaving him little time to spend with his friends and his boyfriend. Namjoon only saw glimpses of him because they lived together, but even with that it was brief moments.

 

‘We never see you anymore, Jimin! You’re like a ghost,’ Taehyung had joked on one rare evening when the seven of them were gathered at their favorite pizza place for dinner.

 

‘Work’s killing me,’ Jimin grinned. ‘But, I’m so happy! I’m finally where I want to be, you know? I’m a part of the industry and I’m proving to my boss how hard-working and invaluable I am. I can guarantee I’m getting a promotion in the next year.’

 

‘Oh my god, maybe you’ll catch Gucci’s attention and they’ll send a headhunter to ask for you specifically. I can see it now: you running Gucci and gifting me my own store because I’m your best friend and you only want my happiness and nothing makes me happier than Gucci!’

 

‘Your materialism makes me sick,’ Yoongi spat, causing Taehyung to stick his tongue out at him.

 

‘How are you doing?’ Jin had asked Namjoon, speaking quietly so his voice blended with the conversation the rest of the group was having.

 

‘Work’s good. I’m good.’

 

‘You’re lying.’

 

‘I can’t talk about this right now.’

 

‘You do need to talk about it, though. And not with me, with Jimin. He needs to know how you’re feeling. Why haven’t you?’

 

‘Maybe because he’s never home long enough for me to initiate a conversation,’ he muttered bitterly and Jin’s expression of concern intensified.

 

‘Joon…’

 

‘It’ll fix itself eventually, Seokjin. It has to.’

 

‘What if it doesn’t? Will you ignore the issue forever and just let Jimin drift away from you until, unknowingly, you become strangers to each other?’

 

Namjoon shook his head and Jin knew his brother was in denial.

 

‘It’ll all work out. It’s me and it’s Jimin,’ he said it like that was the only explanation he could offer and Jin gave a small sigh.

 

‘Be careful, little brother. I don’t want you--either of you--to get hurt.’

  
  


Namjoon should have listened to him, should have done something when there was still time. 

 

“Namjoon?”

 

“Speak of the devil and he shall appear,” he didn’t lift his head from his palms, voice rough and spiritless.

 

His brother frowned, taking in Namjoon’s disheveled hair and the way his hands trembled where they supported his head.

 

“What happened? Where’s Jimin? Isn’t today your anniversary?” he took the seat across from the blonde man.

 

Namjoon let out an ugly laugh, finally lifting his head so his brother could see his red eyes.

 

“Funny, you and I remembered but guess who didn’t?”

 

“Oh, shit. Joon, I’m sorry. He forgot?”

 

“Yep. And we broke up,” he added in an almost blase fashion.

 

Jin nearly choked on his saliva.

 

“You what?!”

 

Namjoon nodded, the motion stiff and sluggish. He didn’t look affected by it, but Jin knew his brother and he knew his coping mechanism was an unhealthy mix of compartmentalizing and getting blackout drunk. A few years back he had a horrible fight with Yoongi and they didn’t speak to each other for two weeks. Jimin would call Jin, worriedly informing him that Namjoon was still gulping down vodka like it was water and that he didn’t let anyone mention Yoongi’s name around him. Jin and Jimin were forced to work together to smooth things over and the best friends violently cursed at each and then made up. The reconciliation itself was quick, as if nothing serious had happened. If that had occurred then, Jin shuddered to think what would happen now. Jimin was everything to his brother and losing him would tilt his world off its axis.

 

“Explain what happened. You can’t just say that and then shut your mouth again, Namjoon!”

 

“What’s the point? It’s over.”

 

“Did you already start drinking? Are you on drugs? Don’t shut me out.”

 

He gave a long sigh but then nodded again.

 

“I knew he had a lunch break at 1 so I asked a friend to cover my afternoon lecture so I could leave work early. I prepared a huge basket with all his favorite snacks and sweets and several bottles of champagne. There was also a stuffed koala bear because it’s my favorite animal and Jimin reminds me of them. I put the speaker Jungkook let me borrow in the center of the basket and I had created a playlist with songs that were connected to meaningful moments in our relationship. I was going to play it as I arrived and give him the basket so we could enjoy lunch together. He probably wouldn’t be able to leave work early, which I would understand because he just started working there, but we would have our moment, you know? And I had dinner reservations at his favorite Korean place too.”

 

“Wow, that all sounds wonderful,” Jin commented softly and Namjoon gave him a sad smile.

 

“It’s nice that someone appreciates it. I get to Jimin’s office and I have John Legend’s “All of Me” playing at full volume, I’m singing along ready to serenade him and give him the basket, but I assumed he’d be alone. His office is small and connected to his boss’ but Jimin told me he always takes lunch at the same time and goes out. Today I guess he chose to stay in and he had invited two other people to join him and Jimin for lunch right there. It’s awkward and I’ve stopped singing but the song is still going and we’re all kind of staring at each other until Jimin jumps up and asks his boss to please excuse him and he literally shoves me away from the office until we’re in the hallway. Then, he grabs the speaker and aggressively turns it off and he looks pissed at me. He starts yelling at me, saying I embarrassed him in his work place in front of his boss and his boss’ boss and another company executive and I just stand there and take it.”

 

Jin’s face was twisted in concern.

 

“Did you tell him you had come because it was your anniversary?”

 

“I did. And it was worse. When he was yelling at me I could pretend it was a stupid misunderstanding that we could laugh about later, but that we were still going to have our special day together. When I mentioned the anniversary his eyes widened and he looked all guilty. He apologized for forgetting but he said he had to get back to his lunch. ‘We can talk later’ he said. He didn’t even want to take the basket with him, told me he would look at it when he got home.”

 

“Joon, I’m sorry. That sounds terrible. But, how did the break-up happen? You two love each other so much. I don’t understand…”   
  


Namjoon closed his eyes, keeping his tears at bay and clearing his throat so he could continue in the carefully detached tone he’d been utilizing.

 

“He got home an hour later than he said he would and when I asked why he said Taemin had called him to his office for some side project they’d be working on together in the next few weeks. When I heard his name...I lost my head, Seokjin. I threw the fucking basket at the wall and everything spewed out. I told him he was putting work over our relationship and ignoring me to spend time with another man. Jimin’s never been one to hold back either. He took stuff out of the basket and threw it back at me, cursing at me for daring to insinuate that he was cheating on me. He said I was an egocentric bastard and was he supposed to quit his job just to be a doting boyfriend? It was the most draining fight I’ve ever had and we were both crying and screaming and finally he says, ‘I think we need a break.’ I thought he wanted to put the argument on pause and come back to it when we were calmer. I offered to take him out for frozen yogurt,” he gave a harsh chuckle that made Jin wince. 

 

Namjoon opened his eyes, the pain evident in his reddened eyes.

 

“‘No,’ he said ‘a break from us.’ I stormed out of the apartment and here I am. It’s been over an hour and nothing. No text, no call. He doesn’t regret it. He doesn’t care that our anniversary now symbolizes how we fell apart.”

 

“You should stay with us tonight. Yoongi’s making fajitas. He’s not as talented a chef as yours truly, but I’ve taught him well,” he tried to keep his voice light and added a tentative smile.

 

Namjoon just shrugged.

 

“Can’t go back home anyway. Jimin’s there.”

 

Jin bit his lip before reaching out to hold his brother’s hands. They were cold and despite the warmth provided by Central Perk’s heating system, Namjoon’s skin was frigid. It was like whatever gave his body its color and its vitality had been ripped right out of him, leaving him an empty vessel. He felt a void within him and he didn’t know if it was possible to ever fill it again.

 

“This isn’t the end, Joon. You and Jimin will get through this.”

 

Namjoon didn’t respond, but Jin had figured he wouldn’t. He helped him out of the chair and led him in the direction of his and Yoongi’s apartment, hoping his boyfriend would have better luck getting Namjoon to look a little less like a zombie.

* * *

Jimin stared at the black screen of his iPhone as if that would make it light up with a call from Namjoon. It had been two hours since he left their apartment, stepping on boxes of truffles and candied plums, all part of the basket he had prepared for him as an anniversary gift. He couldn’t believe that he had forgotten. Jimin’s memory was flawless. He prided himself on it and even while working at Central Perk, he lorded his ability over his co-workers, bragging that he never needed a notepad because he could tend to five tables and remember all of their orders without mistake. Yet, his new job was taking more out of him than he thought. Professionally, he had never been happier, but he’d become a near workaholic, ignoring his personal life until it exploded in his face.

 

He knew he had been a major asshole to Namjoon when he came to his office earlier, beautiful dimples flashing as he sang along with John Legend. But his boss had been staring at them and he hadn’t even known Jimin was gay...Jimin had been caught off-guard and he’d acted out because of it. He had hurt Namjoon--his best friend, the love of his life--carelessly and needlessly all because he cared so much about the opinion of a man he’d known for less than a month. He was going to apologize as soon as he saw Namjoon back home, but the taller man barely let him get through the door before he was throwing accusations at him and raising his voice. He had thrown the basket against the wall, displaying more aggression than Jimin had ever seen directed at him. He couldn’t keep his own temper at bay.

 

_ But why did I say I wanted a break? I don’t want a break.  _

 

His phone vibrated in his hand and Jimin didn’t let it get to the first bars of his ringtone before he was pressing the green button to accept the call.

 

“Namjoon?” he breathed into the line.

 

There was a deep chuckle before the person spoke.

 

“It’s Taemin, actually.”

 

“Oh,” he couldn’t hide his disappointment and Taemin picked up on it, laughing again.

 

“I get that you wanted to hear from your boyfriend, but I’m feeling pretty offended.”

 

“Sorry, Taemin, it’s been a long day and I just...It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you.”

 

“Everything okay? Did you have a fight with your boyfriend? Mr. Kane told me something about a big basket and music blaring from said basket.”

 

Jimin groaned at the mention of his boss and the earlier incident.

 

“We had a big fight. I forgot our anniversary, he obviously didn’t.”

 

“Did you break-up?”

 

“It’s complicated,” he sighed.

 

“Do you need someone to talk to? I can come over with some quality Chinese take-out and the best beer Belgium can produce.”

 

Jimin hesitated to accept his friend’s offer, remembering how Namjoon had spoken about Taemin, calling him a shady rat bastard who wanted to steal Jimin away from him.

 

“Jimin? Is that a no? I understand if you don’t want to see anyone. I just figured since you told me your friend group is so close-knit and includes your boyfriend’s brother and cousin that maybe you want an outside party to confide in. Could make it easier to talk through everything.”

 

That was true. Namjoon was most likely at Jin and Yoongi’s apartment, crashing on their couch and having his best friend and his older brother at his side, ready to help him through anything. Jimin knew he could go to Hoseok or Taehyung and Jungkook and that they would do their best to be impartial, but he knew it would be hard. Taemin was right. Their group was too close and things could get messy. Jimin didn’t think it was fair for all of his friends to be put in the middle of him and Namjoon.

 

“I’ll text you my address. Thanks. I do think it would help me to just talk to someone about what happened.”

 

Taemin promised to be there bearing food and beer in less than thirty minutes.   


* * *

 

 

Yoongi hadn’t been able to get more than a few sentences out of Namjoon after he flopped down on their couch and stared unseeingly at the ceiling.

 

“Maybe we should give him the bottles of wine we have in the pantry,” Yoongi commented from where he and Jin sat at the kitchen island, watching Namjoon.

 

“What? No! We can’t fuel his toxic coping method. Alcohol is addictive.”

 

“Yeah, but you just said it. It’s his coping method and he needs to cope. We clearly aren’t going to cheer him up when he’s like this and he needs time, but would it be so bad for him to get fucked up and forget about all this shit for a few hours? At least, he’d be able to sleep tonight.”

 

“I hadn’t thought about that.”

 

Yoongi nodded somberly. They were well aware of the panic attacks Namjoon would have if he was overly stressed about a situation and he had been pushed to that point a few times in his life. Losing Jimin fit into that category and not only would he have panic attacks, but he’d have violent nightmares that had him tossing and turning and shivering in his sleep. 

 

“Are you agreeing to my idea now?”

 

“We have to find another way. Ice cream?”

 

“He’s not a teenage girl.”

 

“That’s a stereotype! Who doesn’t feel better when they’re shoving ice cream down their throat? And we just bought three pines of Brownie Batter.”

 

“You want to send him into a sugar coma instead?”

 

“If you have a better idea, I’m listening,” he hissed.

 

“Whatever idea we go with, I think we should take his phone away from him.”

 

“Why?”

 

“People can be super drunk, super stoned or even super high on sugar, but post-breakup there’s one thing they do without question.”

 

"What?" Jin asked with concern.

 

“Call their ex.”

 

“Jimin?” Namjoon’s voice rang out.

 

Yoongi and Jin snapped their heads back towards the couch. They had turned away for a moment, looking at each other and now they were screwed.

 

“No! Successful coping does not include talking to Jimin. Not yet. He’s too vulnerable right now and we need to talk to Jimin first, get his side of the story to be fair and go from there.”

  
“You want to rip the phone from his hands?” Yoongi asked and Jin snarled at him.

 

“If you don’t, I will!”

 

“Wait, is there someone else there with you? Is it Tae?”

 

Yoongi and Jin waited with bated breath, watching Namjoon’s facial expression. The sudden swell of anger and hate visible on his tired features worried them. They listened silently, able to hear Jimin’s next words.

 

“ _ It’s Taemin, but Joon it’s not what you think, it’s--” _

 

“Sure, it isn’t,” Namjoon said, ending the call aggressively.

 

“Namjoon--” Yoongi was immediately cut off by Namjoon.

 

“I don’t want to hear anything right now. I’ll be back later.”

 

“Wait, no, you can’t go out by yourself right now. Not after this,” Jin followed Namjoon to the front door, grabbing his brother’s sleeve to halt him.

 

“You mean after breaking up with the person I thought I’d be spending the rest of my life with or after learning that that fucking  _ snake _ is in  _ our _ apartment, probably  _ fucking  _ Jimin mere hours after we broke up?”

 

The hostility in Namjoon’s tone made Jin back away, releasing him.

 

“Joonie, please don’t go. We’re here for you.”

 

Namjoon took a deep breath, running a hand over his face. His expression softened and his voice was gentler.

 

“I appreciate what you’re both trying to do, but right now I need to be alone. Don’t wait up for me, I still have the key you gave me.”

 

And then he was gone.

* * *

 

**2018**

 

“He cheated on you with the bartender of some dingy, disgusting bar,” Lisa reminded him, though he didn’t really need anyone else to remind him of something he still agonized over.

 

“His name was Sehun...I think the worst part was hearing it from my old boss at the coffeehouse and not from Namjoon. I called him the next day, begging him to let me explain and to talk in person. He sounded hungover, but I expected that. He turns to alcohol to cope. He sounded so happy to hear my voice and agreed immediately. I’d find out later that in that very moment he was laying next to another man.”

 

Lisa watched him finish the fourth half-glass of tequila.

 

“Let’s switch to soju,” she opened the new bottle and filled Jimin’s glass ¾ of the way.

 

The blonde man didn’t even notice. He was lost in the past.

 

“I was on my way to the apartment to meet him, but I stopped at Central Perk for a coffee. My boss, Gunther, his roommate was this masseuse and her brother was the other bartender at the club. All those people knew about my boyfriend fucking that other guy and I learn about it as I’m paying for my latte...Namjoon tried to apologize. He got on his knees and hugged my waist and he cried,” Jimin’s voice broke and Lisa felt her own eyes tear up along with her friends.

 

“Keep going, Jimin,” she urged.

 

“He sobbed and hugged me so tightly. He told me he couldn’t live without me, that I was his light and his world would be dim without me. ‘This can’t be the end.’ He said it a few times and I said...I said, ‘Then how come it is?’ I moved in with Hoseok that same day. His roommate was moving to California after finding a better dance company and it was perfect timing.”

 

Jimin sipped from his glass, eyes hazy and moist as the turbulent emotions combined with the effects of all the tequila he’d imbibed.

 

“Then wouldn’t you say Namjoon’s wedding is for the best? He was unfaithful. The person you trusted with your heart and with your life hurt you so terribly and tried to lie about it to get you back. He even tried to excuse himself with some fucking technicality because you were ‘on a break.’ He’s an asshole.”

 

“But I pushed him away first, Lisa! I led him into that other man’s arms. Why would I say those words? A break or a break-up, whichever it was it was a mistake. I didn’t want to be apart from him. I loved him then and I love him now. And he’s marrying someone else,” Jimin pushed the glass away and burst into tears. “He told me I was the light in his life, but someone else took my place. Did I mean anything to him?”

 

Lisa dropped the pictures facedown on the table and moved to embrace her friend. It took serious effort on her part (she was carrying what felt like an army in her stomach) but she persevered. Jimin cried into her chest and Lisa simply held him, whispering words of comfort and patting his back. She was dreading what the next day brought. She doubted Jimin’s hangover would knock him out the entire day of Namjoon’s wedding. What could she do to help her friend tomorrow?

* * *

 

 

“That sucked,” Jungkook whined the second the door of Hoseok’s hotel room shut.

 

“Agreed,” Taehyung said, throwing himself back on the extra bed in the room.

 

They had gathered in Hoseok’s room since he’d been the lucky one in their game of rock, paper, scissors. Yoongi and Jin were sharing a queen-sized bed in their room, but Jungkook, Taehyung, and Hoseok had wanted to play for the single room. Jungkook and Taehyung ended up together. Roommates forever.

 

“There were so many freaking people there. Are they all going to be at the wedding?”

 

  
“You’re an idiot,” Yoongi spat.   
  


 

“Jin, your boyfriend is so mean to me!” Taehyung complained but his brother ignored him.

 

“We were supposed to be at the first table. We’re family. And even if the excuse was that there are so many important people at the wedding and the grooms’ table is exclusive, my parents, at least, should have merited seats there. They’re his  _ parents _ for god’s sake! But they were pushed to Table 3 with Jackson’s cousins,” the usually tranquil member of the group was visibly angry, his words acerbic.

 

“And we’re all at Table 8! What. The. Fuck,” Jungkook growled.

 

“This was just the rehearsal and we barely saw Namjoon. He and the devil family he’s marrying into greeted us and we were shoved aside like garbage. Will we get to see him at the actual wedding because I’m not sure anymore,” Hoseok said, shaking his head.

 

“They are a devil family!” Taehyung echoed.

 

“Mr. Wang didn’t shake my hand. I held it out and I  _ know  _ he saw it, but he acted like he didn’t and moved the line along. He hugged the fat guy behind me because that guy does matter, I guess,” Jungkook said bitterly.

 

“I actually saw Joonie looking for us before the rehearsal began. He was standing and scanning the room and I was waving at him. He might have seen me, but Mrs. Wang flat-out yells at him to sit down and ‘comport himself in the appropriate fashion’ as if she were his mother. She publicly humiliated him like it was nothing. I saw him turn beet-red before he sat down again. And Jackson didn’t open his mouth once unless his parents told him to.”

 

“She made some kid cry near the bathrooms. His hair wasn’t styled ‘in the appropriate fashion’ and she hardcore lectured him until he was wailing and apologizing. It was sickening,” Hoseok recounted.

 

“What the hell is this ‘appropriate fashion’?” Taehyung asked.

 

“It’s code for ‘I’m an privileged bitch with money so what I say goes,’” Yoongi muttered.

 

“I think her husband’s worse. He’s a stone-cold Slytherin,” Taehyung said.

 

“My brother is getting the world’s worst in-laws. He’s screwed.”

 

“We have to stay positive, though. For Joon. Jin, you’re still his best man,” Hoseok pointed out and Jin snorted.

 

“A best man who sat at Table 8 to save space for people Namjoon has never seen in his fucking life.”

 

“But still his best man,” Hoseok continued. “You can’t let him see you like this. None of us can. He needs our support because he’s getting married tomorrow. We can’t change that. And he loves Jackson. They’re going to make each other happy and they’ll deal with the Wangs a few times a year, but that’s it. They live all the way over here anyway.”

 

Jin sighed.

 

  
“You’re right, Hobi. His in-laws don’t change his love for his fiancee and that’s what matters.”

 

“I don’t think he loves Jackson,” Jungkook said and his friends all turned to stare at him. “What? He met Jackson a month after he went on his first date ever with a guy who wasn’t Jimin.”

 

“That Jason guy.”

 

“Jared,” Yoongi corrected.

 

“Whatever,” Taehyung responded.

 

“He dates Jared for three weeks and decides they’re better as friends because he wasn’t ready for another serious relationship. He meets Jackson a month later and they click. It’s been three months and here we are at their wedding. It doesn’t make any sense. Namjoon isn’t the type to act so rashly. He doesn’t break up with the man he’s thought, practically from infancy, was his soulmate and then not even half a year later marry some other guy he claims to be madly in love with,” Jungkook sounded sure of himself.

 

“You think Jackson’s the second rebound and not a man he loves more than Jimin?” Hoseok asked.

 

“No way. There is absolutely no way he loves that guy more than he loves Jimin.”

 

“You’re speaking in the present tense. Are you saying Namjoon is still in love with Jimin?” Yoongi asked and Jungkook laughed as if it were the most ridiculous question he’d ever heard.

 

“Can you--any of you guys-- honestly tell me you think he isn’t and that he’s over Jimin and ready to share his life with this near-stranger?”

 

The silence in the room spoke volumes.

* * *

Yoongi grumbled under his breath as he made his way to the hotel bar. He had gotten out of the shower and was prepared to slip into his soft pajamas and join his boyfriend in their bed when his phone rang. He would have ignored it if it hadn’t been Namjoon calling. His best friend has asked him to join him in the bar because he needed to talk to him about something important. It was almost midnight and they were all expected to be up by 8 to begin preparing for the wedding, which would begin promptly at 2 PM in some old church Yoongi had seen on the drive from the airport to the hotel. It was ugly as fuck.  


 

He passed through the lobby to find the bar and instantly saw his gentle giant of a friend, slouched over by the bar nursing what looked like a rum and coke. He was still wearing the suit he’d worn for the rehearsal dinner.

 

“Shouldn’t you be in bed? You need more beauty rest than the average person,” he joked wryly but it was like Namjoon hadn’t even heard him.

 

He took a seat on the adjacent bar stool and waved the bartender away when he approached him. He wasn’t going to drink.

 

“What’s up? You look as messed up as you did when your pet rabbit got out of the house and was run over by a car.”

 

“Thanks for the reminder,” Namjoon mumbled, sipping his drink until Yoongi pulled it away from his lips and pushed it into the hands of the startled bartender who had been walking by.

 

He gestured for him to take it away and turned back to Namjoon.

 

“I’m not letting you use booze to cope, mainly because I don’t understand what you need to cope with. Tomorrow should be the greatest day of your life. You’re getting married. Where’s your fiancee, by the way?”

 

“At his parents’ house. They have a specific routine for him to follow tomorrow to get ready for the wedding. It’s a bunch of bullshit. They’re the worst people I’ve ever had to encounter.”

 

“Well, that was frank.”

 

“They want me to quit my job and move to London.”

 

“Whoa, what the fuck? The Wangs asked you to quit your job?” Yoongi’s eyes were wider than they’d ever been.

 

“No, they  _ ordered  _ me to. They said if I was joining the family I should prove my dedication to their company and their family values or whatever. They want me and Jackson in London. He’s being groomed to inherit his father’s businesses and I’m eye candy. They resent the fact that their son is gay, but they’re going to use it to show everyone how ‘progressive’ they are. It’s good for business,” he spat and Yoongi’s eyes watered from how wide he held them open, still in disbelief.

  
“B-but, you--you can’t do that. Your whole life is in New York. Your profession, your family, your friends…” he trailed off, almost slipping and adding ‘Jimin’ at the end.

 

“I don’t really have a choice. Jackson isn’t opposing them and he’s going to be my husband. I need to be where he is and he’s going to be in England. I can’t be in New York and have a long-distance marriage.”

 

“Namjoon, from the moment I received the wedding invitation to the moment I got on a plane to attend the ceremony, I kept my thoughts to myself. I didn’t want to ruin your happiness and I felt that I needed to be supportive in every way. But, now, I can’t censor myself. You’re making a mistake. You can’t marry this guy and become entrapped in his family. It’s more a cult than a family. You’ll be miserable. You’ll regret it. And you don’t love him. Not really. He’s a placeholder.”

 

“Yoongi--”

 

“Let me finish. You know where I’m going with this and you know I’m right. He’s a placeholder for the person you  _ do  _ love and that’s Jimin! This is--”

 

“I know,” Namjoon cut him off.

 

  
“What do you mean you know?”

 

“I know that this isn’t real love and that everything moved too fast and I did it because of Jimin. I’m still hopelessly in love with Jimin and I’m marrying someone else.”

 

Yoongi blinked like a bewildered owl.

 

“Okay...Does this mean the wedding’s off?”

 

“No.”

 

“What the fuck is going on here? You just admitted you still love Jimin.”

 

“It doesn’t matter.”

 

“Namjoon, did your time with the Wangs fry your brain or something?”

 

“Yoongi, what I did to Jimin is something I can never forgive myself for. I cheated on him. It doesn’t matter that we were broken-up and I assumed he was sleeping with Taemin. The bottom line is he stayed faithful and I didn’t. The morning after I tried to hide the truth because the chance of getting him back was too tempting. I cheated on the man I love more than life itself. I don’t deserve to be with him again.”

 

Yoongi studied him carefully.

 

“When did you know?”

 

“That my marriage was a lie and I still love Jimin?”

 

Yoongi nodded.

 

“On some level I always knew, but I pushed it to the back of my mind, believing I could will myself to love someone else instead. I care about Jackson, I do, but we aren’t as compatible as I tried to force myself to believe. And now marrying him is altering my life in a way I had never imagined. Yet, I also think this is best for Jimin and I. I disappear from his life and I can never hurt him again. He’ll be free to find someone else who will treat him better than I did and he’ll move on. I don’t want to get in the way of that. I’ve done enough.”

 

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

 

Namjoon huffed a small laugh, his mind taking him back to another time.

 

“An idiot in love…”

 

Yoongi gestured for the bartender to approach. The man seemed wary, but he came over.

 

“Two shots of vodka.”

 

“I thought you said no alcohol.”

 

“I changed my mind. We each need one to make it through this wedding,” Yoongi muttered. “For the record, I still think you’re making the biggest mistake of your life. You’ll regret it, Namjoon. Forever.”

 

“Do you understand where I’m coming from? If you hurt Jin like that, what would you do?”

 

Yoongi groaned.

 

“That’s not fair. You know I’m as big of a masochist as you are.”

 

“You’d do the same thing, Yoongi. You’ve told me many times that if you ever broke my brother’s heart, you’d get as far away from him as possible and let him heal without you clouding his judgment.”

 

“I wouldn’t marry someone whose parents would make Mussolini shit his pants,” he grumbled.

 

Namjoon laughed.

 

“You got me there.”

 

The shots arrived and the two friends lifted them up.

 

“Should we offer a toast?” Namjoon asked.

 

“To what? The sanctity of marriage?”

 

“Don’t be a dick. How about to friendship and the infinite possibility of the future? We shouldn’t expect the worst because nothing’s set in stone. The future could change on us at any moment.”

 

“Fine. I’ll drink to that. Cheers.”

 

They took the shot.

  
  


At a table nearby, Jungkook was whipping out his phone and rushing out of the bar and back to his room. He had followed Yoongi out of pure curiosity. He was getting a soda from the machine when he saw his friend stomping off at such a late hour and without Jin. When he saw him meet up with Namjoon, he decided to sit down close enough that he could eavesdrop without drawing attention to himself. They were engrossed in their conversation and never bothered to look towards the rest of the bar. 

 

Jungkook stopped outside his room, not knowing if this was something he should do. Taehyung had been asleep when he left, but if he woke up he didn’t think he’d be onboard with this anyway. Jungkook deliberated for an entire five minutes pacing down the carpeted hallway until finally he made up his mind. It was 1 AM in England but with the time difference, New York time was only 9 PM.

 

He dialed Jimin’s number.   


* * *

 

 

Jimin’s head was pounding and it was also ringing...except that wasn’t right. Something else was ringing. Jimin groaned, sitting up and realizing he had dozed off on the living room floor. Lisa was passed out on the couch, on her back, with one hand on her stomach and her other arm covering her eyes. Jimin looked around, taking in the half empty bottles of soju and tequila and groaned again. The ringing continued and Jimin saw the source of the sound was his cell phone, which had slipped under the coffee table. He grabbed it, rolling onto his back as he picked up.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Jimin!” Jungkook’s voice seemed especially loud and grating, but that probably had to do with his alcohol-induced headache.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Were you sleeping? It’s still early over there, right?”   
  


  
“I was sleeping. I was also drinking.”

 

“Oh...I’m sorry.”

 

“It is what it is. Why are you calling, Jungkook? Shouldn’t you be resting for tomorrow?”

 

“Ah, yeah, I should be, but there was something--I heard something and I just needed to tell you about it.”

 

“Can it wait until my head isn’t about to burst? I need to pop some Advil.”

 

“It’s important. None of the others know I’m calling you and maybe I’m sticking my nose in something I shouldn’t, but you’re one of my best friends and so is Namjoon and I can’t pretend I’m onboard with this wedding anymore.”

 

Jimin bolted upright, wincing at the flare of pain it caused and having to massage his temples with his free hand.

 

“What? Jungkook, I’m in an uncomfortable in-between stage where I’m not drunk and I’m not hungover, yet they could both accurately describe how shitty I feel. You need to tell me, outright, why you called.”

 

“Namjoon doesn’t love him. He’s still in love with you, Jimin.”

 

Jimin stopped breathing. Jungkook recounted what he’d overheard at the bar and what had transpired at the rehearsal dinner.

 

“He’s ensuring that the rest of his life will be a shitshow. Namjoon’s screwing himself over and we can’t stop him. You’re the only one who can snap him out of it.”

 

Jimin let out a shaky exhale, struggling to regulate his breathing and calm his racing heart.

 

“I-I don’t know that I c-can. He thinks he doesn’t deserve me because of what...what he did, but I wasn’t any better. We took each other for granted. We gave up on each other.”

 

“Jimin,” Jungkook’s voice was gentle and soothing now. “None of us are perfect and we’ve all done things we regret. We probably will do more of these things in the future. Human beings are like constant works in progress. But, there are moments in our lives when we need to make choices that will follow us forever, determining the path of our lives. This one is yours. Are you going to let your soulmate marry someone else?”

 

* * *

 

 

Lisa awoke to the sounds of wheels running over the wooden floor of the apartment.

 

“Jimin? What’s going on?” she yawned, sitting herself up carefully.

 

Her eyes fell on her friend wearing a sheepish grin and clutching the handle of a carry-on suitcase, shoes on and jean jacket already on one shoulder.

 

“Oh no. Oh no. Jimin, please don’t tell me you’re doing what I think you’re doing.”

 

“I have to get going. The flight leaves at midnight and JFK isn’t that far away, but I don’t want to leave anything to chance. There could be traffic--cause there always is--and the line at Security could be long…”

 

“You booked a flight to London. You’re planning to fly all night, show up at the wedding tomorrow afternoon and what? The priest asks if anyone has any objections and you’re going to say, in front of hundreds of people and probably T.V. cameras, that you object because you still love Namjoon? You’ll be thrown out on your ass and humiliated.”

 

“That’s not going to happen.”

 

“Jimin, what about the process?! We were making progress! You guys broke up for a reason.”

 

“We were both at fault for our breakup, but I can’t move on until I know the truth.”

 

“The truth about what?”

 

“Jungkook called me. He overheard Yoongi and Namjoon talking. He’s moving to England  _ permanently  _ all for a man he isn’t in love with. He said he still loves me.”

 

“Jimin,” she bemoaned his name. “That could be pre-wedding nerves and a fear of change because if this marriage means he really is moving to another continent, then his life will be doing a 180. What if he thinks he still loves you because you’re a source of comfort and familiarity to him? He’s known you his entire life and you were his first love.”

 

Jimin shook his head.

 

“No, I don’t believe that. He knows his feelings...And I know mine. I have to go.”

  
“Jimin, you can’t!” she tried to wiggle out of her seat to follow the blonde man who was rolling his suitcase towards the front door. “He loves that other guy! You can’t crash his wedding!”

 

“I’m sorry, Lisa, but I won’t give up on him. It’s not over until someone says ‘I do.’”

 

“I do!” she shouted, finally getting on her two feet and wobbling to the door as Jimin rushed out. “I do! I do!”

 

Her friend had already disappeared down the stairs.

 

“Damn it. It’s not like I can chase after him. I’m carrying a litter,” she glared at her belly.   


* * *

 

The wedding was set to begin in an hour. The group of five was ready, Taehyung just needing to put the finishing touches on his hairstyle. Jin would be leaving the hotel in Namjoon’s limo because he was the best man, but the others would be taking a bigger one with other wedding guests. 

 

“Ta da! What do you guys think? Will I get lucky tonight?” Taehyung modeled his perfectly fitted suit for his friends, making exaggerated motions and poses to show off his upper body and his hair.

 

“Is that all you’re thinking about? What poor girl you’ll get to fall into bed with you?” Jin asked.

 

“No, I’m also thinking about how much I’m going to drink.”

 

“You shouldn’t be allowed out in public,” Yoongi grunted but Taehyung only flipped him off with a wide grin.

 

Hoseok was silently observing the youngest member of the group. Jungkook was fidgeting in place, checking his phone and his wristwatch every other minute. He looked nervous.

 

“What’s up, Kook? You seem rattled,” Hoseok spoke up, making Jungkook jump in surprise at being addressed.

 

The others looked over with interest, seeing the young brunette turn crimson and begin stammering.

 

“Oh, no-nothing. I, uh, ah, I’m just looking forward to the ceremony.”   
  


  
“You’re a shitty liar, bro,” Taehyung remarked, crossing his arms. “And you’re hiding something.”

 

“No, I’m not!” he squeaked, not convincing anyone.

 

“Jungkook, what did you do?” Jin asked, narrowing his eyes as Jungkook shrunk in on himself, wringing his hands anxiously.   


* * *

 

Jimin was pissed. His flight had been delayed so that instead of taking off at 12, it took off at 12:40. He arrived in London at 11:40 AM their time. The wedding was in exactly 1 hour and 20 minutes. He had wanted to go to the hotel where Jungkook said they were all staying so he could take a quick shower and get into more appropriate clothes, but that didn’t seem like a viable option anymore. He’d have to go straight to the church, full of finely dressed, distinguished guests like this...In an oversized sweater, sweatpants and Converse. Fuck.

 

The airport is crowded, rivaling the masses of people in the always bustling JFK airport. Jimin has to push his way through throngs of tour groups and large families. He receives many glares and many more curses in the accented English he loved to hear on his BBC shows. It wasn’t as pleasant when it was being used to insult him, though. He manages to get outside, checking his phone for the time as he hails a cab. It’s 1 PM when he slides into the backseat of the cab and tells the driver the address of the church.

 

“It’ll be about 40 minutes, more or less. More with traffic.”

 

Jimin curses under his breath.

 

“Please do your best to get me there quickly. There’s an event I can’t miss.”

 

“No promises,” the cabbie mutters.

 

Jimin crossed his fingers the entire journey.

 

_ Please let me get there on time. Please, please. He can’t marry someone else. Not until he knows how I feel. Please, please. _

* * *

__

Namjoon had wanted to walk down the aisle with Jackson or have each of them be escorted by their parents. His opinion was disregarded with a scoff. The Wangs had wanted the spotlight on their son and they hadn’t wanted to be part of the wedding procession. They were trying to be “cool” and “hip with the gays,” but not enough to walk their own son down the aisle. Namjoon had tried to put up a fight on that one because he did want his own parents involved in his wedding. They hadn’t even been placed at the main table for the reception. His brother and friends were at Table 8 and he was surrounded by strangers. And that included his fiancee and his parents.

 

Namjoon’s head was reeling. He was about to get married. To someone that wasn’t...Him. He didn’t think it was smart to let his mind wander to a certain person who still owned his heart. Not when the clock had struck 1 and he was standing at the front of a church next to a priest and his older brother, waiting for Jackson to come down the aisle.

 

Namjoon tried to take a steadying breath, looking over the expansive church, filled with nearly 500 guests. It was insane. He tried to find his parents in the second pew and his friends in the third pew, but it was nearly impossible.

 

“Hey, you good?” his brother whispered discreetly into his ear and Namjoon cleared his throat.

 

“Yeah. I’m great, actually.”

 

“Are you?”

 

Namjoon glanced over his shoulder, meeting his brother’s skeptical look.

 

“Don’t believe me?”

 

“You keep looking around like a frantic puppy, desperate to escape his cage.”

 

“What?”

 

“Do you want to escape, Namjoon? Do you think you’re making a mistake?”

 

Before Namjoon could open his mouth again, a familiar song began to play as the organist eased into the opening notes of “The Wedding March.”

 

Jackson appeared, looking regal in his expensive tuxedo. He smiled, greeting his guests like the noble personage he was, literally royalty on his mother’s side. They were descended from some of the first noble families in England. Jackson walked slowly but surely, his smile growing larger. However, Namjoon noticed he had yet to look at  _ him _ . He was walking down an aisle and his future husband was at the end of it, but Jackson only had eyes for the other people in the church. 

 

“He hasn’t looked at me,” he murmured and Jin strained to hear his brother’s words over the sound of the organ.

 

“What?”

 

“He hasn’t looked at me. Not once. Like I don’t matter here.”

 

“Joon, you sound weird.”

 

“I don’t matter here,” he repeated to himself.

 

Jin wasn’t sure what he should do. He shifted on his feet, searching the crowd for the steadying gaze of his boyfriend or one of the others, but was unable to meet the eyes of anyone who wasn’t a stranger to him. Jackson was reaching the front of the church now, moving into place across from Namjoon in front of the priest, who raised his arms to ask for silence, the final notes of the march echoing and then nothing.

 

“Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses to join Jackson Wang and Namjoon Kim in matrimony commended to be honorable among all; and therefore is not to be entered into lightly but reverently, passionately, lovingly and solemnly. Into this--these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together--let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”

 

The priest paused. Jin’s eyes flickered to the entrance of the church, the heavy wooden doors firmly shut. He held his breath, counting down the seconds in his head, part of him hoping Jungkook’s call had been enough to set things in motion and change the outcome of this day, make it so that his brother wasn’t marrying the wrong man.

 

The priest moved on, reciting a prayer and a reading from the Bible and speaking about the sanctity of marriage and love between two committed individuals. Then, he asked the couple to read their vows. 

 

Jin attempted to listen to what was being said, but half of his attention was still on the back of the church and those closed doors.

 

_ Come on. Come on _ , he thought.

 

“Now, repeat after me,” the priest motioned towards Jackson. “I, Jackson.”

 

“I, Jackson,” 

 

“Take thee, Namjoon.”

 

“Take thee, Namjoon.”

 

“To be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse,”

 

“To be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse,”

 

“for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish”

 

“for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish”

 

“from this day forward until death do us part.”  
  
  


“from this day forward until death do us part,” Jackson finished.

 

At that moment, there was a tentative push on the left door of the entrance. It was nearly soundless, but Jin had been watching those doors and the movement made him gasp. It was enough to get Namjoon’s attention on him and he tilted his head, as if wondering why his brother, behind him, was seemingly surprised.

 

“Now, repeat after me,” the priest turned to Namjoon, whose attention returned to the ceremony.

 

Jin, however, was now openly staring at the door, which opened and closed in quick succession, as if it has never been moved. Except it had. And in front of the doors stood a slightly disheveled Jimin.

 

“Oh, shit,” Jin whispered and Namjoon frowned, his words trailing off.

 

“I, Namjoon...”

 

He was going to look over at Jin, but the small turn of his head drew his attention to the figure at the back of the church.

 

Namjoon’s heart began to pound, his pulse speeding up, and his palms suddenly sweaty. All rational thought failed him and the present crashed into the past, as he was thrown into his memories.

* * *

**1998**

 

Jimin and Namjoon walked a few feet ahead of Jin, their hands intertwined and swinging between them.

 

“How did the rest of your first day of kindergarten go?” Namjoon asked his smaller friend.

 

Jimin’s lips widened into a pretty smile that scrunched up his chubby cheeks, giving him an additional eye-smile.

 

“Awesome! Thanks to you, Joonie. You scared the meanies away.”

 

“You can’t let them pick on you, okay?”

 

“I don’t want to, but everyone else is so much bigger,” Jimin said sadly, bright smile dimming. “It makes me feel like a dumb baby.”

 

“Hey,” Namjoon stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, looking down at Jimin with a firm expression. “You’re not a dumb baby. You’re my bestest friend in the world and you’re so cool. Cooler than anyone I know! Cooler than my dad and my brother and Superman!”

 

“Really?” 

 

“Yeah!”

 

“Thanks, Joonie. You’re my bestest friend in the world too,” Jimin dropped their hands so he could launch himself into Namjoon’s chest, wrapping his arms around his friend and squeezing like a koala bear.

 

Namjoon hugged him back just as hard, pressing his cheek to the top of Jimin’s head.

 

Jin watched them and smiled to himself. They were an adorable little pair.

* * *

 

  
  


**2004**

 

Namjoon hadn’t been able to eat all day and his family noticed at dinnertime how the 12 year old pushed his chicken and vegetables around the plate, not raising the fork to his lips once. His parents exchanged a glance.

 

“Son, is everything okay? Did something happen at school?” his father asked.

 

Namjoon shook his head.

 

“Did you have a fight with Jimin?” his mother asked next.

 

At the mention of the younger boy, Namjoon’s cheeks grew flushed and he shook his head again, mumbling something about feeling unwell and asking to be excused. His parents allowed him to retreat to his room, but they were worried about him. It wasn’t like him to act so strange and not gush about any and every thing that had happened that day.

 

“Taehyung, did anything happen at school today?” 

 

The Kims turned their interrogation on their nephew since he went to the same school as Namjoon. Jin was 14 now, so he attended the high school and not the middle school with Namjoon, Taehyung and Jimin.

 

“Nope. It was a fun day. We had an assembly and only had to go to like 3 of our classes,” he shared joyfully, scarfing down his dinner and then pushing Namjoon’s untouched portion onto his own.

 

“Jinnie, maybe you can talk to him?” his mother asked and Jin nodded.

 

He thought he had an idea of what could be bothering his brother. It was about the right time for it.   


* * *

 

 

He knocked on his brother’s door after dinner, receiving a gloomy “Go away,” which he promptly ignored and let himself in, closing it behind him.

 

“Jin,” he whined. “I said go away.”

 

“I’m older than you, so I have the right to do whatever I want.”   
  


  
“That’s not true.”

 

“It is in this case because something’s troubling you and I’ve come to help you deal with it.”   
  
  


“I’m fine. I don’t need you to help me with anything.”

 

Jin raised both eyebrows and joined his brother on his bed.

 

“Really? So if I say the name  _ Jimin _ ” Jin watched Namjoon blush and duck his head. “You won’t do that thing you just did, huh? I knew it!”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

 

“You have feelings for Jimin that are more than friendship and you’re freaking out.”

 

“N-no, that’s n-not it,” Namjoon shook his head and waved his hands around, but Jin simply smirked at him.

 

“Oh, little brother, I’ve known for years about you and Jimin.”

 

“Jimin and I are just friends! Best friends, but that’s it.”

 

“Joon, are you scared of admitting that you like your friend or scared of admitting that you’re gay?”

 

Namjoon brought his knees up and wrapped his arms around them, curling in on himself.

 

“Both,” he said honestly and Jin nodded in understanding.

 

“I went through something similar when I realized I was gay. Do you remember? Mom and Dad, you and Tae, you were all so supportive. It would be the same for you, Joon. It’s not wrong to be different. It’s not wrong to like someone or love someone, no matter who they are.”

 

“I-I know that. In theory. But, in practice it’s not so easy. I mean, yeah, we live in New York and it’s the 21st century, but homophobia abounds and guys at my school are such  _ dicks _ . That, and also...Jimin’s not gay and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable with my feelings.”

 

“You make valid points, but I think what matters most is, do you think he’s worth it? Do you think Jimin is worth dealing with ignorant assholes who will make fun of you, maybe try to beat you up and call you names? You don’t know how Jimin feels, but let’s say he returned your feelings. What would you do?”

 

Namjoon considered his brother’s questions. He took a few minutes to formulate his answer but when he spoke, it was with complete conviction.

 

“I would do anything to make Jimin happy. Of course he’s worth it.”

 

“You make me proud, little brother,” Jin grinned.

* * *

 

  
  


**2013**

Namjoon held the little box containing the promise ring to his chest. He took a few deep breaths and tried to normalize his heart rate and calm himself down. He glance at his reflection in the mirror over the sink again and then squeezed the box once, slipping it into his jacket pocket again. 

 

He’d taken Jimin out to dinner at a fancy French restaurant that he’d been saving for for more than a month. Namjoon had a part-time job at the university library and he did some tutoring on the side. It was more to have money for himself and help his parents out with some of the tuition since they were kind enough to offer to pay for his undergraduate studies.

 

He was in the middle of his junior year of college and everything was going well. He was acing his classes and maintaining a near-perfect GPA. He had even completed one Study Abroad Program in Morocco. It had been difficult to be apart from Jimin for a whole semester, but they’d managed. He had returned with his mind set on presenting Jimin with the promise ring and making it clear that he was dedicated to their relationship and devoted to his beautiful boyfriend. 

 

Namjoon felt that he’d come a long way since the most awkward confession anyone had probably ever used. He had made nice dinner plans and practiced a speech for the past week. He was ready. Or so he thought.

 

He’d returned from the bathroom, smiling at Jimin, and sipping at his drink as Jimin talked to him about his Nazi of a professor and the test he’d bombed. The younger was all worked up about it, his cheeks puffing out and his almond eyes widening as he gestured wildly with his hands. Namjoon stared at him with undisguised fondness, one hand supporting his head. Jimin finished his story and shot him a look.

 

“Were you listening to me or was your mind galaxies away?”

 

Namjoon blinked.   
  


  
“Oh, sorry. I was listening! I was just, uh, just...shit.”

 

He was doing it again. Stuttering like an idiot. They hadn’t even received their entrees and he was going to pull out the ring after dessert. How would he make it through this dinner like a sane individual?

 

Jimin giggled and grabbed one of his hands between both of his. His smaller hands barely wrapped around one of Namjoon’s.

 

“Why don’t you tell me what has you acting all weird?”   
  


  
“I’m not acting weird,” he said defensively, making Jimin raise an eyebrow.

 

“Your palm is sweaty. Your palms only sweat when you’re excessively nervous and flustered. So?”

 

Namjoon groaned, running his free hand through his hair and then cursing because he had used a lot of hair gel to style his lilac locks.

 

“Why do I have no chill?” he whined.

 

Jimin giggled, pressing a soft kiss to the hand he was holding.

 

“It’s just not you, Joonie.”

 

“I had a speech prepared,” he mumbled and Jimin tilted his head.

 

“Why?”

 

Namjoon gently pulled his hand back and reached into his pocket, opening the small box and holding it out to Jimin in his palms.

 

“Oh my god. What a beautiful ring,” Jimin breathed.

 

“It’s been in my family for generations. It’s usually passed on to the eldest son, but my parents made a special exception...It’s for you.”

 

Jimin pressed a hand to his mouth, muffling a gasp. His eyes misted over.

 

“It’s a promise ring, Jimin. And do you know what it signifies? My promise to love you until we’re old and complaining about throwing out our hips and needing canes to walk,” he gave a little chuckle. “I want forever with you. If that’s what you want, will you accept this promise ring and wear it until the day I can replace it with another kind of ring?”

 

Tears fell down his boyfriend’s face as he moved his hand from his mouth and nodded.

 

“I want forever with you too, Joon,” he held out his left hand and Namjoon took it, kissing his dainty fingers and slipping the ring onto his finger.

 

“You make me so happy. You have no idea.”

 

“Trust me, I do because it’s the same way you make me feel.”

 

Namjoon grinned, leaning over the table until he met Jimin’s plush lips. Their kiss was meant to solidify the promise of a bright future together.

* * *

 

  
  


**2015**

 

“Joonie!” Jimin’s sweet voice called to him from their bedroom.

 

Namjoon paused in the middle of slicing some vegetables for the stew he was preparing for dinner. 

 

“Do you need me?”

 

“Yeah, just come here for a sec!”

 

Namjoon set the knife down and made his way to their bedroom, continuing into the walk-in closet they shared.

 

“Look!” Jimin jumped up from where he had been kneeling, digging through some boxes they had pushed to the back of the closet and hadn’t actually unpacked.

 

“That sweater isn’t in a dumpster somewhere? Wow,” Namjoon whistled. “I’m pretty sure Taehyung gave it to me in high school.”

 

“I don’t remember you wearing it.”

 

“Because I didn’t. He gave it to me as an Easter gift--who the hell gives Easter gifts--and I wore it that day to be nice, but never again.”

 

“Mm, I kind of like it,” Jimin inspected the green sweater from all sides. “It still looks new. You took good care of it.”   
  


  
“I doubt that I did. It was probably Jin who preserved it. For some reason.”

 

“You don’t want it?”   
  


  
“Nope.”

 

“Can I have it then?” Jimin asked with an excited smile and Namjoon laughed.

 

“Knock yourself out, sweetheart. I’m sure it will look infinitely better on you than it did on me.”   
  
  


Jimin immediately pulled it on over the thin t-shirt he wore and giggled as he looked at himself in the full-length mirror.

 

[Jimin in Joon's sweater](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/318700111124167089/)

 

“It was probably big on you, but it’s huge on me!” he laughed again, the sound joyful and melodious and Namjoon joined in, stepping closer and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist.

 

“As expected, you look insanely cute. How do you do that, Jimin?”

 

Jimin blushed prettily.

 

“You’re just blinded by love or something. I’m not that cute.”   
  


  
“If I’m blinded by love you’re just blind. Do you not see how absolutely precious and gorgeous you are?”   
  


  
“Oh my god, stop,” he pouted, using his sweater paws to cover his red face.

 

Namjoon cooed at him for the sweater paws, praising him from head to toe until he was begging him to stop in between breathless laughter. Namjoon pulled him close and kissed his fluffy hair.

 

“You’re perfect, Jiminie.”

 

Jimin sighed, basking in his boyfriend’s love and the warmth he exuded with every dimpled smile.

 

“So are you, Joon. I love you.”

 

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

* * *

 

**2018**

 

It was the same sweater, Namjoon realized. The ugly green thing he had initially wanted to burn. Yet, it had made it to his New York apartment and to his shared closet until it was discovered by Jimin and made into one of Namjoon’s favorite items of clothing. But only if it was worn by Jimin like it was right now.

 

The beautiful blonde looked exactly the same as he had that day when he tried on the oversized sweater, down to the endearing sweater paws. He looked terrified to be standing alone at the back of the expansive church and Namjoon wished he could pull him into his arms and tell him everything would be okay.

 

The priest made a subtle noise of annoyance, forcing him to look back over to the expectant looks on both the priest and Jackson’s faces.

 

“Repeat after me,” the priest said again. “I, Namjoon…”

 

“I, Namjoon,” he repeated mechanically.

 

He could feel Jimin’s stare, could hear Jin fidgeting behind him, clearly confused as to why Namjoon was going through with this when  _ Jimin  _ was right there.

 

‘You’re a fucking idiot,’ Yoongi had said and Namjoon couldn’t refute that. He had made so many mistakes in the past year. But...he wouldn’t make this one.

 

“Take thee, Jackson,” the priest said, a bit impatient to finish the service.

 

“Take thee, Jimin” he said.

 

The collective gasp of horror that rang out in that church was overwhelming.

 

“Well, fuck me,” someone said (probably Yoongi).

 

“Uh, um, should I continue?” the priest looked between them but then at the Wangs, whose eyes were nearly bulging out of their skulls.

 

“Yes!” Mr. Wang hissed, glaring at Namjoon so hatefully he was surprised it didn’t kill him.

 

“No,” Namjoon said, the finality in his voice clear. “I’m sorry,” he turned to face the guests. “There isn’t going to be a wedding today.”   
  


  
“What?!” Mrs. Wang screeched.

 

“Jackson, I care about you, like a friend, but I can’t lie to your face and say I love you and believe we are meant to be together. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who is willing to put up with your psycho parents because they would do anything for you. And that someone is not me.”

 

The Wangs looked like they would faint with every word he spoke, but Jackson regarded him with narrowed eyes, searching his face for something. He seemed to find it.

 

“I see...I think you’re right, Namjoon. Perhaps we did rush into this and perhaps I let my parents run everything, run my entire  _ life  _ when I shouldn’t have. I don’t want to go into a marriage with doubts and...I had been doubting you and doubting us. I didn’t want to say anything because, honestly, my parents wouldn’t have allowed me to.”

 

Jackson turned to the back of the church, staring directly at Jimin, and nodding.

 

“And I understand why  _ I’m  _ not the one for you. I think you know what you have to do,” he murmured.

 

“I never wanted to hurt you, Jackson.”

 

Jackson accepted that.

 

“I know. Neither did I. Have a good life, Namjoon. I’ll try to do the same.”

 

Jackson walked calmly out the side door of the church, not turning back even when his father threatened to disinherit him and his mother claimed she was having a heart attack because of the shame he had caused her.

 

Namjoon straightened his shoulders and walked towards the back of the church. When he got to Jimin he gave him a wink.

 

“Straight out of a drama, right?”

 

Jimin could only gape at him. Namjoon gently grabbed his left hand and pulled him out of the church.

* * *

 

**2020**

 

“Does this make me look fat?” Taehyung asked as he frowned at his reflection in the mirror.

 

“How would that suit make you look fat?” Jungkook rolled his eyes, focusing on his own appearance.

 

“I think the suit at Namjoon’s other wedding was more flattering on me.”

 

“Don’t let Jimin hear you say that,” Hoseok said as he came in. “And hurry up. I was sent to check on you two since literally everyone else is ready.”

 

“Is Yoongi grumpy?”

 

“He’s always lowkey grumpy, but, today his gummy smile is exposed to the world. Happiness is infectious, you know and today represents a lot of joy for all of us.”   
  


  
“True dat,” Taehyung grinned. “Alright, I’m ready. Let’s get this wedding started!”

* * *

 

Namjoon adjusted the collar of his shirt one more time. 

 

“Well?” he faced his brother and his best friend, who both gave him appreciative thumbs up.

 

“You look like you’re ready to get hitched!” Jin sing-songed.

 

“You think you’ll be able to say the right name this time?” Yoongi joked, though the ceremony would be officiated much differently than the one two years prior.

 

“Technically, I did say the right name then. And it’s the same one I’ll say today.”

 

“You cornball,” Jin laughed, moving forward to cup his brother’s face with one hand. “I’m proud of you, Joon.”

 

“Thank you. Thank you both for all you’ve done for me. And I owe this to you and to Tae, Kookie, and Hobi. You helped bring us back together. I’ll be eternally grateful.”  
  
  


“Love finds a way,” Yoongi said and Jin cooed at him.

 

“Look at you getting romantic! It’s the wedding vibe, isn’t it? It affects all of us. I can just imagine how adorable you’ll be at our wedding.”

 

Yoongi turned a bright red. They’d gotten engaged a few months ago and Jin had big plans for their wedding. First, though, he was ready to help make his brother’s wedding day  _ perfect _ .

 

“All the guests are in their seats. The weather’s wonderful. Not too sunny, not too breezy. The officiant is waiting for your signal and the harpist will begin the wedding march at your command. Mom and Dad are outside too. I think it was a wonderful idea to have them walk you down the aisle and have Jimin’s do the same. The Parks and the Kims have always been one big family and now with your marriage we are officially members of the same family.”

 

“Are you taking his name?” Yoongi asked with a smirk.

 

“We’re keeping our names. We don’t need to pick one or the other.”

 

“Will you take mine?” Jin asked Yoongi who shrugged.

 

“I wouldn’t mind being a Kim. My family’s nuts anyway.”

 

“Yay!” Jin exclaimed with evident self-satisfaction.

 

“Your wedding will be entertaining, I’m sure of it,” Namjoon chuckled. “Okay, I’m ready. I’m ready to get married.”

* * *

 

Namjoon kissed his parents on the cheek and stood at the front of the aisle. Jin was behind him, like the first time, but across from him was Hoseok, Jimin’s best man. His fiancee was now making his way down the aisle, escorted by his parents, who all smiled as they saw Namjoon waiting at the altar.

 

Namjoon couldn’t take his eyes off Jimin. His golden hair shone under the sun, the beams of light appearing to give him a halo. His face had the lightest touches of makeup, his lovely features easily showcased. Jimin’s eyes glittered with unshed tears and Namjoon anticipated that they’d both be crying through each other’s vows. 

 

When Mr. and Mrs. Park handed Jimin’s hand over to Namjoon he gave them a respectful bow and took Jimin’s hand, leading him to stand with him in front of the officiant. He was a family friend and had tailored the service to be less religious and more spiritual and informal overall.

 

Namjoon gulped as he met Jimin’s tender gaze, listening to the gentle crash of the waves behind them and the words of the officiant as he led them through the words everyone knew by heart. Finally, it came time for their I do’s.

 

“Namjoon, I take you as you are, loving you now and forever. I promise from this day forward to be grateful for our love and our life. I vow to be generous with my time, my energy, and my affection. I will love you completely. These things I pledge before you, our friends and our family.”

 

“Jimin, I take you as you are, loving you now and forever. And I promise to be patient with you and with myself. I vow to fill our life with adventure and our home with laughter. I will encourage you to grow as an individual and take inspiration from you to do the same because together, there is no limit to what we can achieve. These things I pledge before you, our friends and our family.” 

 

The officiant smiled.

 

“Jimin, do you take Namjoon to be your husband?”

 

“I do,” he breathed.

 

“Namjoon, do you take Jimin to be your husband?”   
  
  


“I do,” he said.

 

“Please present the rings.”

 

They exchanged their rings, leaving their hand clutched tightly together as the officiant raised his arms.

 

“By the power of your love and commitment to each other and by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may now share your first kiss as a married couple. Congratulations.”

  
  


Through the applause and the shouts and cheers from the small group of people that comprised their close friends and family, Jimin and Namjoon kissed. Namjoon wrapped his arms around his new husband and as they pulled away he kept their faces close, exhaling against Jimin’s soft lips.

 

“I can’t believe we’re married now.”

 

“Believe it, baby. It’s forever time,” Jimin giggled.

 

“All I ever wanted was forever with you, Jimin.”

 

They shared another sweet kiss before turning to their guests. There was so much to look forward to: their first dance as a married couple, getting tipsy on champagne with their friends, going on their honeymoon, moving into a bigger apartment in the Village.

 

The future was vast and uncertain, but together they’d endure whatever came their way. They were soulmates after all.


End file.
